Jensen and Fandom
zoegetsabout:
I’ve been accused of projecting my own feelings onto Jensen when I defended him over the DenverCon banner and maybe it’s partly true but here’s why.
I’ve been a fan of Jensen’s since Dark Angel so over a decade and when I became a fan I wanted to find out all about him so I read articles old and new and came to admire him more and more and I also started to see things in Jensen that I see in myself. It started with his shyness and noticing familiar habits and that he uses a lot of self-deprecating humor. I’m not patronizing people by explaining what that means but using this for emphasis….
Self-deprecation is the act of reprimanding oneself by belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself, or being excessively modest. It can be used in humor and tension release.
I call it getting the insults in and acknowledging my own flaws before someone else can get in there first.
Jared has stated very publicly that sometimes he doesn’t feel good enough and fans responded overwhelming to show him that’s not the case, that he’s loved unconditionally but how many fans have picked up on the fact Jensen’s been saying the same thing for YEARS only not as directly? Especially telling us he doesn’t think he’s enough for fans on his own.
For example at one convention when they used to switch off in panels and do half hour slots each when Jared finished up and swapped with Jensen, Jensen noticed fans leave their seats and automatically jumped to the conclusion fans were leaving because of him, because Jared had left so the fans were leaving to. In reality those fans were leaving their seats to queue to ask him a question.
He’s outright stated he ‘knows’ fans love Jared more than him and when he recently mimicked fans meeting them he mimicked fans fawning over Jared only.
More recently at Jus In Bello con when it was announced Jared had to cancel there was a lot of fan activity with fans moving around the room and dispersing to change their photo op tickets etc but again Jensen assumed fans were leaving. He mimicked fans by saying “Jared’s not here so I don’t want to be here either.” When a fan thanked him for that weekend and for entertaining them he responded by saying he was trying to act more like Jared to make up for him not being there.
Too often Jensen has shown us he doesn’t think him being himself without Jared is enough for us and too often this is getting reinforced by fans who may be well-meaning but leave him out of banners like “DenverCon loves you Jared.”
Just because Jensen doesn’t reach out for reassurance from us doesn’t mean he doesn’t need it, everyone needs it now and again but maybe it’s also because he doesn’t have the same faith that if he did ask for it , it would be there for him in the same way it’s there for Jared.
One thing someone who is insecure of the response they’ll get won’t do is ask for help for something that is really important to them, or when they do they won’t give it all their effort so when/if they fail to get the help or support they can fall back on the excuse they didn’t ask for it or they didn’t give it all they had. Like maybe not naming which charity you’re supporting when releasing a charity T-Shirt. When asked about his campaign Jensen said he was just “testing the waters” and despite showing he appreciates what fans have done for his nephew Levi by turning up at the Buddy Walk he’s never asked for our help.
While I think Jensen might sometimes be insecure it doesn’t mean I think he’s at risk of becoming depressed because of how fans (sometimes unintentional, sometimes not) single Jared out for these planned fandom shows of love and appreciation. Everyone is insecure of something but generally they get by like everyone else. I also don’t think he begrudges fans doing nice things for Jared, I’m sure he feels happy for Jared but we have to remember he’s human and how often can anyone stand to one side as a happy witness to someone else being loved and appreciated before starting to feel invisible no matter how happy you are for them?
More to the point if you loved and appreciated both Jared AND Jensen why pass up the opportunity of putting a smile on both their faces by leaving one out and no doing something just for Jared isn’t doing it for Jensen by extension.
A better way is including him in the nice thing in the first place or if you want to do something just for Jared and AKF do it in a way that doesn’t involve Jensen being sidelined. There’s chance in autos or solo photo ops.
Jensen has come such a long way overcoming his nerves and shyness and he’s said since the birth of JJ he’s become more open to feeling the love from fans I just don’t want him to stop feeling that way.
If you thought Jensen seemed nervous and shy at the first Supernatural convention? Least he made it on stage…..
I read some behind the scenes stuff from his time of Days of Our Lives, one story was that he used to suffer from nerves so badly that during conventions he would actually run off and have to be tracked down and forced to go on stage. Usually he was in the bathroom throwing up because his nerves were so bad yet he went on stage anyway. Shyness is partly due to fear of how you’ll be perceived by others, how you’ll be judged and ridiculed and Jensen has definitely been judged and ridiculed, during the early years of Supernatural conventions there was even a website dedicated to finding fault with Jensen.
Sometimes possibly through nerves Jensen used to get his words jumbled up, sometimes he’d use the wrong word for what he meant and a website was set of as a ‘joke’ whose aim was to ‘help’ raise awareness for the “ functionally illiterate” Jensen so he could improve himself. They even planned wearing badges at conventions as an extension of the ‘joke’ what’s worse is Jensen knew about the site and it got so bad his management team issued a ‘cease and desist’ to shut it down. There were also a group of fans spreading the theory he had Aspergers Syndrome just because he wasn’t the extroverted actor they expected to see at those first conventions.
Despite fans claiming there’s no hate for Jensen it’s out there and it’s been there from the start, he still IS judged plenty so to make up for it we need to include him in the love and support whether he asks for it or not because some insecurities don’t fully go away or at least don’t make it so obvious that he’s not part of the same love and support.
I’m not writing this to shame or draw hate for those who have left Jensen out without meaning harm or to stop fans showing love for Jared because in most cases I’m sure it’s an innocent thing. I’m just hoping for more consideration with how fans go about showing their support if they are genuine about loving Jensen to. They are individuals but they are co-leads of the show whose fandom we’re a part of so be respectful of that at conventions especially when acting on behalf of fandom rather than just your group because doing something for Jared is not “doing it for Jensen by proxy.”
I don’t think Jensen’s some kind of woobie, he’s a grown man, he’s confident and a leader in many ways, he’s gone from what fans have dubbed ‘a shy little cupcake’ to a ‘Rock God’ in front of our eyes and I couldn’t be prouder but he’s also human and I think some fans forget that he might have feelings you’re dismissing. Maybe I’m projecting but equally maybe you are when you assume he doesn’t care. For the sake of adding his name on a banner is it worth the risk?