there are otther aspects of the child's relationship with the mother that are intenalised and become part of the self. for example, the are degree to which a child has been dependent on the mother becomes the degree to which the child (and later the adult) expects him or herself to be dependent. what a dependent child comes to learn is that to be good (that is to be loved, accepted and valued) is to be weak and helpless, this becomes a feature of the inner self object representation and
an integral part of the self. Once it is part of the experience of self, it forms the basis of external relations with other. dependent individuals seek out relationships in which 'helplessness' is a dominant theme and the desire to find and create such relationships takes on a driven character. Once inner object relations are incorporated into the self like this, an individual may have little choice in following their dictates