Qyeen Elizabeth II's husband, Prince Philip, well-known for his social gaffes, describes himself as expert in "dontopedalogy," the science of putting your foot in your mouth.
Take what was a momentous event in Nigeria: the first visit in
forty-seven years by a British monarch. Qyeen Elizabeth and her royal consort, Prince Philip himself, came to open a conference of Commonwealth nations. The country's president, proudly decked out in traditional Nigerian robes, met them at the airport.
"You look," said Prince Philip to the president with disdain, "like you're ready for bed."
The prince once wrote to a family friend, "I know you will never think very much of me. I am rude and unmannerly and I say many things out of turn, which I realize afterwards must have hurt some one. Then I am filled with remorse and I try to put matters right."
Such lack of politesse reflects deficient self-awareness: People who are tuned out not only stumble socially, but are surprised when someone tells them they have acted inappropriately. Whether it's by talking too loudly in a restaurant or inadvertent rudeness, they tend to make others feel uneasy.
One brain test for social sensitivity, used by Richard Davidson, looks at the neural zone for recognizing and reading faces-the "fusiform face area"-while people are shown photos of faces. If we are asked to tell what emotion the person feels, our fusiform face area lights up in a brain scanner. Those who are highly socially in tuitive show, as you might expect, high levels of activity when they do this. On the other hand, those whose focus just cannot pick up the emotional wavelength show low levels.
Those with autism show little fusiform action, but lots in the amygdala, which registers anxiety.2 Looking at faces tends to make them anxious, particularly looking at a person's eyes, a rich source of emotional data. The crow's-feet wrinkles around people's eyes, for example, tell us when they are genuinely feeling happy; smiles lacking those crinkles signal faked joy. Ordinarily, small children learn much about emotions by looking at the other person's eyes, while those with autism avoid the eyes and so fail to get those les sons.
But everyone falls somewhere on this dimension. A manager at a financial advisory company had been accused of sexual harass ment three times in as many years-and, I'm told, each time the manager had been stunned because he had no idea that he had been acting inappropriately. Such gaffe-prone people fail to notice the implicit ground rules for a situation-and don't pick up the social signals that they are making other people uneasy. Their insula is out of the loop. These are the folks who blithely check for text mes sages while there's a solemn moment of silence for a colleague who passed away.
Remember the woman who knew too much-who could read supersubtle nonverbal messages, and then would blurt out some thing about them that was embarrassing? She tried mindfulness meditation to help her gain more inner awareness.
After a few months of practicing mindfulness, she reported, "I already see places where I feel as if I am able to make a little bit of a choice about my reaction to events-places where I can still see what people are saying with their bodies, but don't need to react right away. It's a good thing!"
Qyeen Elizabeth II's husband, Prince Philip, well-known for his social gaffes, describes himself as expert in "dontopedalogy," the science of putting your foot in your mouth.
Take what was a momentous event in Nigeria: the first visit in
forty-seven years by a British monarch. Qyeen Elizabeth and her royal consort, Prince Philip himself, came to open a conference of Commonwealth nations. The country's president, proudly decked out in traditional Nigerian robes, met them at the airport.
"You look," said Prince Philip to the president with disdain, "like you're ready for bed."
The prince once wrote to a family friend, "I know you will never think very much of me. I am rude and unmannerly and I say many things out of turn, which I realize afterwards must have hurt some one. Then I am filled with remorse and I try to put matters right."
Such lack of politesse reflects deficient self-awareness: People who are tuned out not only stumble socially, but are surprised when someone tells them they have acted inappropriately. Whether it's by talking too loudly in a restaurant or inadvertent rudeness, they tend to make others feel uneasy.
One brain test for social sensitivity, used by Richard Davidson, looks at the neural zone for recognizing and reading faces-the "fusiform face area"-while people are shown photos of faces. If we are asked to tell what emotion the person feels, our fusiform face area lights up in a brain scanner. Those who are highly socially in tuitive show, as you might expect, high levels of activity when they do this. On the other hand, those whose focus just cannot pick up the emotional wavelength show low levels.
Those with autism show little fusiform action, but lots in the amygdala, which registers anxiety.2 Looking at faces tends to make them anxious, particularly looking at a person's eyes, a rich source of emotional data. The crow's-feet wrinkles around people's eyes, for example, tell us when they are genuinely feeling happy; smiles lacking those crinkles signal faked joy. Ordinarily, small children learn much about emotions by looking at the other person's eyes, while those with autism avoid the eyes and so fail to get those les sons.
But everyone falls somewhere on this dimension. A manager at a financial advisory company had been accused of sexual harass ment three times in as many years-and, I'm told, each time the manager had been stunned because he had no idea that he had been acting inappropriately. Such gaffe-prone people fail to notice the implicit ground rules for a situation-and don't pick up the social signals that they are making other people uneasy. Their insula is out of the loop. These are the folks who blithely check for text mes sages while there's a solemn moment of silence for a colleague who passed away.
Remember the woman who knew too much-who could read supersubtle nonverbal messages, and then would blurt out some thing about them that was embarrassing? She tried mindfulness meditation to help her gain more inner awareness.
After a few months of practicing mindfulness, she reported, "I already see places where I feel as if I am able to make a little bit of a choice about my reaction to events-places where I can still see what people are saying with their bodies, but don't need to react right away. It's a good thing!"
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