Afterward, the three of us took lodging at an inn within the capital for three days.
The original plan was to move towards Fort Karon and there pick up Ginger, but we didn't manage to put that into action.
While I really wanted to get home as soon as possible, I also felt like I needed to monitor this country a bit longer.
Just being here a few days longer might allow me to see where this is all going.
For once I didn't slack off on collecting intelligence.
Yet I still haven't understood everything that is happening.
I couldn't afford to slack off on the Magic Armor's maintenance or general vigilance.
Inside the town is buzzing with rumors.
That the rebels surrounding the Imperial City had battled with the kingdom's army led by Pax.
That there was mortal combat between the Death God Randolph and the warlord Jade.
That the next era's King is wise and noble.
It's all fabricated.
It's a horrible means to win over the loyalist army.
Although it might not all be the warlord Jade's lies.
It's possible that it's just things that have been said in jest getting spread around.
If you look at the times where rumors spread the fastest its often like that.
Those rumors might have already been spreading while they were camped outside the castle.
Some people just prefer to see a more dramatic world.
Fact is stranger then fiction.
Reality is strange, helpless, and disappointing.
In the dining room of an inn, at the water cooler, in the market; lies, truths, and words that people might not understand are spread.
Someone also had said things like, the next King is selling half of Shirone to the northern country.
That reminds me: how will this effect the cease-fire negotiations?
Did the commanding officer of the fort take over for us?
As it is, I don't know.
We know nothing, but Zanoba appears well regardless.
Ever since we arrived at the inn, Zanoba has been absorbed in thought.
Day after day, he just sits in a chair absentminded.
Thinking about it, Zanoba has lost his whole family: his house, his father, his brother.
He had said that this country was his home, but it might not be a home worth defending now that everyone is gone.
Although, he doesn't give off the impression that he is burying his depression.
Basically there is just many things for him to think about.
He's concerned about the future.
There is another person who is actually depressed.
It's Roxy.
She has been a person of few words these last several days, and she eats very lightly like she has no appetite.
In the evening, with a listless expression, she sits still, gazing into the fireplace.
Pax's death, I wonder if she is in shock over it.
I would be.
In his very last minute, Pax spewed out his grudge against Roxy.
It was like he was saying, she was to blame for his death.
That would really effect me, if I was her.
"I'm back."
".... Welcome back."
Today, Roxy is just holding her knees while looking into the fire.
I sit next to her as usual.
There are a lot of things I could say to cheer her up, but they are all hackneyed irresponsible things.
I cannot bring myself to say them.
Well, the person saying those kind of things might be trying to comfort Roxy, but...
"Certainly..."
She opened her mouth and whispered.
"Back then, I did sigh."
Roxy won't look at me.
However, she's talking to me.
As if making a confession, she continued to speak.
"One day Pax mastered intermediate magic.
He came to show me with great excitement and all I did was sigh.
I might have even said, 'Only to this degree' under my breath."
"It really hurt him, I guess."
When I said that Roxy clutched the end of my robe.
"I think that, honestly, when I was teaching Prince Pax, I was only comparing him to Rudy.
When there was a problem Rudy, you, would immediately understand; Rudy learns magic so easily.
And then I moved directly to this child who was far below Rudy.
So, I might have been condescending."
I did quickly learn up to intermediate magic.
Roxy also probably learned it without difficulty.
But that doesn't mean that everyone else can learn it so easily.
Surely, Pax was giving it his best.
He made his best effort, studied, practiced, and finally learned it.
Then he wanted to show off to Roxy and be complimented, but only received a sigh.
Back when I was in Buena Village, if such a thing would have happened to me...
I would not have come to respect Roxy, and we might not have married.
"In those days I only looked towards the top.
I was thinking about learning King ranked magic and then aiming for further heights.
Perhaps it was arrogance.
It was enough to lead me to neglect the people under me"
Biting her lower lip, Roxy tightly hugged her knees.
I stroked her back.
Roxy was trembling slightly.
"I intended to repent.
After failing I would study well for the next time."
In that instant, tears swelled up in Roxy's eyes.
"But, I regret it, I failed.
Although I had vaguely thought about what I might have done wrong as a teacher,
I mostly just blamed the environment of the royal place; I had to justify myself."
Tears spill from Roxy's eyes.
"I didn't realize that my attitude had such an effect on Prince Pax.
Until the other day, when he told me from his own mouth, I hadn't even a clue."
She buried her face in her knees to catch all of the tears which were endlessly flowing down her face.
I stroked her small back in a circular fashion.
"For Prince Pax, there won't be a next time... "
Roxy simply cried.
I continued to stroke her back.
I had been doing so for a while.
However, I kept stroking her trembling back as she sobbed.
Eventually, Roxy's sobbing stopped.
She looked up at me with engorged bright red eyes.
"Rudy, now, how can I continue to be a teacher?"
" .... "
What should I say to that?
I don't know.
I'm not a teacher.
However there are words that I have heard in the past.
"Sensei"
These may be superficial words which I stole from a game or manga.
It's something said under pretense.
It may be no more then comfort.
I might just be cheating.
"Sensei, even if you fail, experience will still pile up."
I do not think it is wrong to just pay lip service.
"Assuming the teacher does not repeat the same mistakes, the students of the teacher will be brought up magnificently and find happiness like me."
"...."
Roxy, she looked at me intently.
Her blue hair, her eyelashes, her small lips trembling.
It was something which I couldn't reach at one time, now it is different.
"Rudy, are you happy?"
"Yes, there have been painful things, but thanks to Roxy-sensei's teachings, I have been able to experience happiness."
"Rudy... always says that."
Quite right.
What I say won't change from day to day because it is the truth.
"I can't explain it well, but I was able to take my first step as a human being thanks to Sensei placing me on the horse."
"That's an exaggeration... since that was all such a long time ago I'm convinced it's that way."
"Certainly it might be an exaggeration, but I remember Roxy moving forward after failing some things, and there is no doubt that I've been encouraged by that."
I told her that seriously.
Indeed, by the teacher Roxy, the life of one student might have fallen a little out of order.
'Roxy, it's not your fault.' I'm not going to say that kind of consolation.
Beyond a sense of responsibility, she feels that she killed Pax herself.
But conversely, there is even a student that has been kept alive by Roxy.
It's me.
It isn't Roxy alone who has kept me alive so far.
But, the fact that Roxy deserves the credit doesn't change.
"I won't tell you to forget about this time.
Rather, not forgetting it might be best.
But also, don't forget that there are people like me who have been kept alive thanks to Roxy."
I'm aware that I said a self important thing there.
But that is my true feelings.
Roxy, you should not deny yourself the life of a teacher.
" .... "
Roxy gave me a blank stare.
She has a half opened mouth and wide red eyes.
What with her trembling body, she just then noticed her running nose, and flustered, hid it behind her knees.
"Rudy."
"Yeah."
"With Lara, surely I will get a chance to make amends for what happened with Prince Pax..."
I do not know the answer to that last question.
Only Lara will be able to answer it.
Hers may be different than my answer.
".... maybe, I can't say."
Afterwards, Roxy cried for a while.
She continued to stick to me.
From the next day on, Roxy regained her vitality.