While a minority of mentalk about the tears that accompanied their sadness, most men spoke of the act of crying, particularly in a public outpouring of grief, as a feminine activity that would be seen as unacceptable or as signifying weakness to their friends. It is evident in the literature that women as well conceive of crying as feminised (Archer,1999; Martin&Doka, 2000; Versalle& McDowell, 2004e2005). This gender policing of grief, the social dictate to “man up”, has consequences for men. Restricted options for processing and expressing grief led men to engage in activities in an attempt to mask feelings or make them go away. Following the death of their friend, for example, most participants spoke about the ways that they engaged in health harming behaviours in the form of substance overuse, driving fast while under the influence or doing sports such as skiing or climbing without taking safety precautions.