cause-effect paragraph. Is everybody ready to start ?
Everyone : Yesss!~
A : (B), what do you think of this topic ?
B : Our topic is "The problems of dry summers". In my opinoin, this topic is not appropriate because it's too broad and it's not conform to the content. So, the topic should be "The effects of dry summer for the people in central part of Thailand".
C : I definitely agree with you.
D : I think so too. If we change and follow to what (B) said, the readers can immediately know what this paragraph is talking about.
E : You're right. And I have a point l'd like to make. In the word "summers" , we should cut "s" off.
F : Yes, I completely agree with all of you. Perhaps we should go on to the next point. The topic sentence is quite suitable because this topic shown about the problems of dry summer for many people in central part of Thailand.
A : I agree with you. Moreover in line2 we should change "central Thailand" to "central part of Thailand" in order to be formal form.
B : I think all of us agree with you.
C : Could we move on the first major detail?
Everyone : Yes !! ~
C : For the first major detail, I think it's not quite clear. So, I change it to " First of all, because of the long and dry spell, people will use more air-conditioner than before, thereby wasting electricity".
D : I absolutely agree with you. And for the supporting detail, I personally think that using electricity doesn't increase air pollution. This is a reasoning mistake. Maybe they waste a lot of money, and it leads to financial issue. Does anyone disagree with me?
Everyone : No, we agree with you.
E : For the second major detail and supporting detail, I think it's quite appropriate. Would anyone like to comment?
F : Yes, I have some comment. I think supporting idea has 2 mistakes. First mistake is about missing word in line6, we should add "out" next to "stay". Second mistake is about punctuation in line7, we should add comma next to "Then".
A : Yes, I think so. And for the last major detail, it's quite suitable and there are no mistake. But the supporting detail in line9 has 1 mistake about sing/pl, "fruit" should rewrite to "fruits". Moreover for the supporting detail2, it should rewrite to "In addition, farmers have financial issues because they have only little amounts of crops to sell".
B : You're right. (C) would you like to give us your opinion about the conclusion of this paragraph?
C : Yes, for the conclusion, I think it's already appropriate. But it has many mistake. The first mistake is about punctuation, we should add comma between "long" and "hot", and between "hot" and "dry". The next mistake is about wrong word form, I think we should change "with" to "which" because it should be a pronoun, and change "major" to "mainly" because it should be adverb. And the last mistake is on line13, "central Thailand" should be changed to " central part of Thailand".
D : I definitely agree with you.
E : So, we have decided that this paragraph is not good enough because the topic and some supporting details are not conform the content and there are too many grammar mistakes.
F : Do you have any question?