Real listening is more than just being quiet while the other person talks. It’s more than being able to parrot back what the other person say, as if your brain were a tape recorder. Real listening implies that you want to understand what the other person is saying and, therefore, what that person thinks, feels and needs. It means putting aside your own ideas and judgment long enough to really hear. This takes effort. It’s easier to listening with only a part of your consciousness while the other part rehearses your own story, develops a brilliant retort, or tunes out because you’ve “heard it before”
Pseudo listening gives the appearance of real listening.Everyone does it at least some of the time. Pseudo listening serves needs that differ from those involved in real listening. You may want to consider which of those needs might be inferring with your ability to listen. Try to honestly evaluate your motivation when talking with the important people in your life. Examine how your particular needs interfere with your ability to listen. To whom do you have the hardest time really listening? Do you always have difficulty listening to this person or only when you are conversing about certain topics? Do the circumstances in which you are talking sometimes alter your motivation, along with your ability to really listen? .