The perfect man.
We as women have a sometimes impossible view of the perfect man.
One of my favorite quotes used to be: "No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, will never make you cry." Beautiful quote, yes, but how true is it? Not at all, if you ask me. Love and relationships involve different aspects, even the church recognizes this, "in richer or in poorer". There are good times, and there are bad. There is laughter and there are tears. It's a part of life, a part of love. If you love a man, and the love is true, then he is capable of evoking the deepest emotions in your soul. He can make you laugh and cry with just a word, with an action. That is true love. Of course, if you find yourself crying, more than you find yourself laughing, then perhaps this is not a healthy love. When asked what our "perfect man" is like, we always use the same adjectives: honest, faithful, caring, romantic, etc. We almost always include some variation of "I want someone who will never hurt me". That person is non-existent. If you are in love, you will be hurt, as we humans tend to hurt the ones we love the most. Have you never seen your mother/father cry because of something you did growing up, or even now as an adult? Have you never made your siblings cry? Most of us have. It's our nature. I don't know why, but it's how we are made. We hurt the ones we love most. It's part of our selfish existence that we will never understand. Can a man be completely honest? No. Just as a woman can't. Sometimes you have to lie. Even the most outspoken person has to lie at some point. I have heard countless people tell me how honest I am, how blunt and how they admire how I speak what's on my mind. I've also have my share of "you're such a bitch" thrown my way. But even I have been approached by someone who I cannot lie to. The person varies, and so does the subject. It could be a friend, asking me if I like their outfit. Maybe I don't, but I know they do, and they don't look bad, so what would be the point? Maybe it's my parents, asking me if I mind doing them a favor. Perhaps I do, but I owe them so much more and will do so, whether I'm up for it or not. People lie. Women lie, and men lie. We all know this, yet we like testing men with those stupid questions "Does this dress make me look fat?" or the ever popular "Is she cuter than me?" Does it matter? No, it's like asking for a fight. Men are not honest, people are not honest. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can move on. Don't get me wrong, there's a difference between saying "No honey, that dress doesn't make you look fat", and saying "I'm going out with the boys", when you're really going to screw the neighbor. Common sense people, use it. I plead of you. Next up, caring. Sometimes a man can be caring, but since we have set these ridiculous standards for them, to us they seem uncaring, unromantic, we feel unloved. Guess that's the sensitive side of us. I once had a boyfriend try to cheer me up after a fight I had with my mother, by buying me a tube of toothpaste. Yes, the fight with my mother stemmed from a tube of toothpaste, which made the gesture super sweet. I appreciated it at the time, but not nearly as much as I would appreciate something like that now. You learn, with time, that things like that are hard to come by. Another time, I was asked by my boyfriend at the time what my favorite colors were. He wanted to surprise me with flowers of those colors. Unfortunately for him, I had no idea and told him my favorite colors: black & silver. So I was very surprised when a bouquet of roses arrived at work, smelling like spray paint. My black & silver roses were close to dying, but it's a gesture I will never forget. Not all guys have that mentality, so if you have one ladies, by all means, please hang on to him. To some men, just putting the toilet seat down after using it, is caring enough. And we women need to learn and accept that. Enjoy the little things in life, the small gestures that seem unimportant, but speak volumes. Some men don't have the romantic gene in them. As a woman who lacks that gene, I understand and feel for them. Doesn't mean we don't care, it doesn't mean we don't love. It means we are not great at expressing that love. But it's there, and with time, we become better at letting you know, in our own way. If you could understand that, then we're good. Now faithfulness…ahhh,, the impossible request. I feel faithfulness is necessary, mostly because I am faithful. So I know that if I'm capable of being faithful, despite all the temptation in this world, then my partner should be as well. I understand how it could be a difficult request, gentlemen, but if you're not ready; all you need to do is say so. Don't get into a relationship if you're not ready to settle down. That simple. Play the field, sow your seeds, do what you gotta do, then call me. Not too hard, and spares hurt feelings, mine because you cheated, and yours, because I find out you cheated, and will make it my mission to hurt your "feelings". I don't need all the flowers, the jewelry, the chocolates. Would it be nice? Sure. Would I turn them down? Who would? But they are not necessary, and they do not fit the image of what I feel the perfect man is. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen, right? Wrong. We are not all queens, and therefore should not all be treated that way. Who are we kidding? We know how we are, we know how we act, and we know that around "that time of the month", none of us deserve to be treated like queens. Just like men, we can't all be grouped into the same category. Just like there exist over the top romantic men, there exist women the same way. And just like there are men out there who don't show emotion and think romance is bringing you home a bucket of KFC, there are woman who think the same way. It's just a matter of matching them up, or of accepting the other's differences. One man's meat is another man's poison. The perfect man will love you, respect you, and be faithful to you. That should be enough for you to be happy. Anything else is an extra perk you get because you inspire it in him. If he chooses to show you his love on a daily basis, and that's what you like, then go, be happy. Me? I have simpler tastes. Hug me when I look like I need one, listen to me when I need to be listened to, when you hurt me, apologize, respect me, my opinion, and my loved ones, and saying "I love you" every once in a while is not a requirement, but a pleasant surprise. I will do the same, as I am a firm believer of giving as much as receiving. I don't need cards, presents, jewelry. Putting the toilet seat down and a bucket of chicken? Where have you been all my life?