The spider has been slain. It was an epic battle. First, I made a spider-free island in the middle of the living room where I could watch the action while still being reasonably sure that I would not become part of it. Then Boyfriend made a long, poke-y weapon and he climbed up behind the couch and went in for the kill. The spider did not die easily and its death will probably be avenged in some fashion by its clone army, but for now it is gone.