That is the funniest profile I've read here, and I didn't even know which parts you intended to be funny! I've seen so much weird English here, but the last part about lies and wristbands? I don't get it...
First I thought you were a pharmacist when you said drug dealer, but that was apparantly a joke! I sell some drugs myself, so I thought I could help you out with some nice deals on super pure MDMA from a superlab in the Netherlands! Easy money...