He wanted to promise Himchan he wouldn't do anything, that it would be okay, that he would be okay but Youngjae knew he'd be lying. He didn't know how much longer he could handle things and he wouldn't lie to Himchan anymore. The thoughts were always there, how easy it would be to end things – he didn't know how much longer he could fight them. Youngjae had never felt so depressed, so ripped apart and worthless. He was trying, god, he was trying for Himchan and his family but he felt so lost. How much longer could he stand up to this?
“I want to go back home.” Youngjae quietly spoke, looking anywhere but at Himchan. He just couldn't right now, he couldn't handle seeing how much his best friend was hurting because of him. Himchan didn't say anything, instead simply nodding his head before letting the younger know he'd pay. Youngjae opened his mouth to protest but was quickly cut off as his friend shoved the keys to his car towards him before getting up from the table, leaving him alone. He hid his face in his hands, taking in a shaky breath before pushing back his chair.
The entire ride back to his apartment was silent and Youngjae hated this feeling. He hated feeling so awkward and uncomfortable with his best friend. The two continued to sit in silence for a while even when they were parked outside of Youngjae's apartment building until finally Youngjae reached out and covered Himchan's hand with his own. The older stared at their hands, unmoving and silent. “It will be okay, Himchan.” He breathed. “It will, I promise.”
Himchan swallowed hard, feeling as though Youngjae's words almost had an impending doom behind them and it terrified him. “It?” He repeated. Youngjae smiled weakly before leaning over to place a lingering kiss against his friend's cheek.
“I'll see you later.” The younger man murmured before opening the door and getting out. Himchan watched as his friend walked up the steps that led to his apartment, a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding passing his lips once Youngjae was safely inside.