Is the day I made the worst decision of my life.
My son's mother and I was having a fight but, we always had fights that never meant a thing.
It was what we did to show one another we care about the course of our relationship.
During that time I wasn't thinking nothing like this.
I was being selfish and ignorant, thinking that something had to be better than this.
On that evening we found ourselves on opposite sides of the couch.
Both upset about something that I can't remember now but, I couldn't remember it then either.
I wanted to make up with her that moment but my pride stood in my way.
Here it was the last night of the year and we were sitting here upset over nothing but, it was escalating.
Finally I turned and told her to leave, it was over.
I was being a fool. I thought at the time she was going to fight to stay but she didn't.
She left and I felt my heart sink but, didn't know what was to do.
She called later yelling about an accident that I didn't think happened but, I knew it was to make me feel bad.
I blew her off by hanging up the phone. Afterwards, I hit Blackplanet in search of a way to salvage my New Years Eve.
After a few hours of searching I was just about to get off when my NOTES box started blinking. Normally I ignore it and get right off to talk to my son's mom.
No one was ever as important when she called or arrived no matter what method it took to get in my presence. That night, I decided to check it out.
It was a woman who in a short period of time became my gf (like 2 weeks).
In that same 2 week I spoke with my son's mom; we fought over things as usual but we still managed to talk.
I didn't tell her about my interest in another woman but she could read me like a book and knew it was someone else.
I really disliked the fact that she could read me because no one else ever could. No matter what I did, I was always a open book to her.
I should have taken that as a sign of love and placement instead of being threatened by it. Again, I wasn't thinking that way back then.
Now within that 2 week I got a call from her telling me she was pregnant.
This is how she is now my son's mom. I didn't believe her and hung up. She had a friend call and I was just an *** so I let my gf answer the phone.
Way to make things worse I thought. Well it indeed had gotten worse because now I had to explain that to my gf.
Afterward the conversation she decided to stick around in some capacity but not in the gf role. Over the next 3 months we talked on the phone and spent time every blue moon or so but, my son's mom and I talked and visited.
Matter of fact we always picked up where we left off and that should have been another indicator.
This woman was to be mine and I was to be hers'.
I was too stubborn to realize she was my only chance at something great.
Over time things between the ex and I continued on and off. Things between my son's mom and I did as well.
My son's mom is a ride or die chick. She did things for me that no one else would ever do and I returned that shear stupidity and anger.
All of the things she did to me I returned negatively.
Her reaction to everything hurt me because I wanted her to stop to let me breathe. Let me get my mind right so I can make a wise decision.
Yet, she continued so I made more hurtful choices.
Talk about not being a man and taking the time anyway. Eventually things were so bad between us, I resorted to lying, cover ups, and excluding her from my life.
She has a son before my son and I cut him out because I didn't want him telling his mom my dirt.
Talk about a real stupid move. I was part of his life for a while and I pulled a move my donor pulled on me. Biggest regret ever.
Here is where it gets complicated. Every time I hurt her, I hurt myself.
I found myself crying at night because I loved her so much but wished she would ease up on me. She knew i was making bad choices and all she wanted to do was stop me from making those bad choices. Did I listen? No. I continued down the same path and eventually got engaged to someone else.
I didn't ask this woman to marry me.
It was thrown at me and since my son's mom and I were doing bad but still sleeping together, I took the low road and went forward with the engagement.
5 months into the engagement I called it off because I wanted to be with my son's mom.
The day I called it off my son's mom and I got into the worst fight ever. She wished death on me and my family. She always did that but that day, it was something different about her saying it. I was through dealing with the drama so I patched things up with my fiancee and moved forward with the marriage.
This was the worst move of all. I found out every little dirty secret about her that made my son's mom look like a saint. But, I found out after we were married, like a year after. I feel like I was tricked into marriage by this point. I thought about all the things Ive been through with my son's mom. I realize she knew what was best for me. I feel like garbage that I let my pride keep me from being with a woman who wanted nothing but the best from me. I gave her the worst part of me, the part that I never let show because it demeans my character.
Bottom line is God and my son's mom gave me many chances to do the right thing. I did what I wanted to do based on the situations presented to me. I'm now divorced and really want to work on things with my son's mom. The issue is that she isn't sure if I'm a good fit for her anymore. I don't know what to do. My love for her is greater than ever now and I want to give her the person she deserved from jump. There is no time machine that can take me back to December 31, 2006. I would have never sent her home. I would have grabbed her and told her how I would never leave her and always be there for her. She would never have to worry about whether I'm all hers and never feel alone. But, if none of these things would have happened in my life I wouldn't be able to be as certain about her security as I am now. I've told her how I feel and what I'm willing to do but she wants to think it over again. I think she is afraid I'm not serious and I'll waste more of her time.
Is the day I made the worst decision of my life.
My son's mother and I was having a fight but, we always had fights that never meant a thing.
It was what we did to show one another we care about the course of our relationship.
During that time I wasn't thinking nothing like this.
I was being selfish and ignorant, thinking that something had to be better than this.
On that evening we found ourselves on opposite sides of the couch.
Both upset about something that I can't remember now but, I couldn't remember it then either.
I wanted to make up with her that moment but my pride stood in my way.
Here it was the last night of the year and we were sitting here upset over nothing but, it was escalating.
Finally I turned and told her to leave, it was over.
I was being a fool. I thought at the time she was going to fight to stay but she didn't.
She left and I felt my heart sink but, didn't know what was to do.
She called later yelling about an accident that I didn't think happened but, I knew it was to make me feel bad.
I blew her off by hanging up the phone. Afterwards, I hit Blackplanet in search of a way to salvage my New Years Eve.
After a few hours of searching I was just about to get off when my NOTES box started blinking. Normally I ignore it and get right off to talk to my son's mom.
No one was ever as important when she called or arrived no matter what method it took to get in my presence. That night, I decided to check it out.
It was a woman who in a short period of time became my gf (like 2 weeks).
In that same 2 week I spoke with my son's mom; we fought over things as usual but we still managed to talk.
I didn't tell her about my interest in another woman but she could read me like a book and knew it was someone else.
I really disliked the fact that she could read me because no one else ever could. No matter what I did, I was always a open book to her.
I should have taken that as a sign of love and placement instead of being threatened by it. Again, I wasn't thinking that way back then.
Now within that 2 week I got a call from her telling me she was pregnant.
This is how she is now my son's mom. I didn't believe her and hung up. She had a friend call and I was just an *** so I let my gf answer the phone.
Way to make things worse I thought. Well it indeed had gotten worse because now I had to explain that to my gf.
Afterward the conversation she decided to stick around in some capacity but not in the gf role. Over the next 3 months we talked on the phone and spent time every blue moon or so but, my son's mom and I talked and visited.
Matter of fact we always picked up where we left off and that should have been another indicator.
This woman was to be mine and I was to be hers'.
I was too stubborn to realize she was my only chance at something great.
Over time things between the ex and I continued on and off. Things between my son's mom and I did as well.
My son's mom is a ride or die chick. She did things for me that no one else would ever do and I returned that shear stupidity and anger.
All of the things she did to me I returned negatively.
Her reaction to everything hurt me because I wanted her to stop to let me breathe. Let me get my mind right so I can make a wise decision.
Yet, she continued so I made more hurtful choices.
Talk about not being a man and taking the time anyway. Eventually things were so bad between us, I resorted to lying, cover ups, and excluding her from my life.
She has a son before my son and I cut him out because I didn't want him telling his mom my dirt.
Talk about a real stupid move. I was part of his life for a while and I pulled a move my donor pulled on me. Biggest regret ever.
Here is where it gets complicated. Every time I hurt her, I hurt myself.
I found myself crying at night because I loved her so much but wished she would ease up on me. She knew i was making bad choices and all she wanted to do was stop me from making those bad choices. Did I listen? No. I continued down the same path and eventually got engaged to someone else.
I didn't ask this woman to marry me.
It was thrown at me and since my son's mom and I were doing bad but still sleeping together, I took the low road and went forward with the engagement.
5 months into the engagement I called it off because I wanted to be with my son's mom.
The day I called it off my son's mom and I got into the worst fight ever. She wished death on me and my family. She always did that but that day, it was something different about her saying it. I was through dealing with the drama so I patched things up with my fiancee and moved forward with the marriage.
This was the worst move of all. I found out every little dirty secret about her that made my son's mom look like a saint. But, I found out after we were married, like a year after. I feel like I was tricked into marriage by this point. I thought about all the things Ive been through with my son's mom. I realize she knew what was best for me. I feel like garbage that I let my pride keep me from being with a woman who wanted nothing but the best from me. I gave her the worst part of me, the part that I never let show because it demeans my character.
Bottom line is God and my son's mom gave me many chances to do the right thing. I did what I wanted to do based on the situations presented to me. I'm now divorced and really want to work on things with my son's mom. The issue is that she isn't sure if I'm a good fit for her anymore. I don't know what to do. My love for her is greater than ever now and I want to give her the person she deserved from jump. There is no time machine that can take me back to December 31, 2006. I would have never sent her home. I would have grabbed her and told her how I would never leave her and always be there for her. She would never have to worry about whether I'm all hers and never feel alone. But, if none of these things would have happened in my life I wouldn't be able to be as certain about her security as I am now. I've told her how I feel and what I'm willing to do but she wants to think it over again. I think she is afraid I'm not serious and I'll waste more of her time.
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