The question of whether people achieve the best outcomes in life by being fiercely competitive, or fundamentally cooperative, has fueled a fierce debate throughout history and inspired many bestselling books. Some, from Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations to Dawkins' The Selfish Gene, argue that acting out our own self interest is the best and the only way to get ahead in work and life. On the other end of the spectrum, Frans De Waal's The Age of Empathy and Adam Grant's recent bestseller Give and Take have argued that cooperation and altruism are the right tools for personal and professional success. In FRIEND AND FOE, award-winning researchers Adam D.Galinksy and Maurice E. Schweitzer explain why this debate misses the mark.
Whether we're negotiating with our boss for a raise or promotion, brokering a major business deal with a client or customer, or wrangling with our spouse over who will do the dishes, we all encounter countless situations daily that prompt the question "should I behave cooperatively and try to catch more flies with honey than vinegar, or stop being a pushover and fight ruthlessly to get what I want?" The problem is this very choice is flawed, argue the Columbia and Wharton Business School professors. Focusing only on how humans cooperate overlooks our hardwired instinct to compete; focusing only on how humans preserve their self-interest misses important insights into the social advantages of cooperation. It is only by appreciating how humans strike the right balance between the two that we can learn how to get more out of our most important relationships and social interactions - and optimize our success in work and outside of it.
In FRIEND AND FOE, Galinsky and Schweitzer draw on original, cutting edge research to show how to strike a balance between competition and cooperation. They raise and offer surprising solutions to a number of the professional world's most perplexing puzzles, such as: why too much talent undermines a team or company's success, why it's often better to be on the job market during a recession, why certain types of apologies can strengthen business relationships while others make a situation worse, and why acting oblivious can make you seem higher in status. And along the way, they offer a range of pointers on getting the most out of relationships at work and at home, projecting more authority and power, diffusing workplace stereotypes and gender bias, and building trust, recognizing deception, and getting the most out of a negotiation - in such a way that the other party walks away thinking they have won.