Problem 4: Selective Listening
Unfortunately, we often enter into a conversation with either our own “game-plan” about how we are going to control the conversation in terms of topic(s), structure, duration, etc., or preconceived ideas of how it will develop instead of actually listening to our interlocutor. This means that we tend to listen for what we want to hear instead of what is actually said and filter out anything which does not fit into our plan of the communication or our own ideas.
Problem 5: Time
To listen effectively, we need to be able to dedicate time to the task. Any conversation where one or both parties are worried about the time available is bound to suffer from listening problems. In a business context, we have to ensure that we have programmed sufficient time to be able to communicate effective with the other parties involved.
Problem 6: Logical structure / Congruence
Most people generally have a tendency to expect, and look for, logical sequences or structure in their communication. In an aural / oral conversation, if we believe that “A” is true, and “B” is also true, then “C” and every following element must logically fit with the information preceding & following it. If this does not occur it conflicts with our expectations and frequently creates incongruence which leads to a block in the communication.
Problem 7: Presuppositions (Going beyond)
Some people have a tendency to extrapolate or go beyond what they hear while others tend to remain constrained by the actual “data” that they have obtained during the conversation. It is important that we are aware both of our own tendencies to do this as well as that of our interlocutor(s) and ensure that if we have a tendency to go beyond the information given that we communicate this to our interlocutor(s) and check if they are in agreement.
Problem 8: Questions
In order to resolve many of the problems indicated above, we need to be able to elegantly ask questions to clarify the unclear elements in the communication. While the traditional “open” and “closed” questions serve some purpose, an excellent model to follow is that of the “Meta Model” which is a set of questions that allow you to gather information that clarifies someone’s experience, in order to get a fuller representation of that experience.