Realize That It’s A Numbers Game The first rule of dating is that you’re going to need to approach a lot of people to find love. Expecting to find The One (there is no One) right off the bat is a recipe for heartbreak. Going into every approach, every date under the assumption that this is going to be the last time you ever have to do this is going to drive you mad in short order. No matter how skilled you are of a Casanova, how good looking you are or how whatever-you-might-be, you’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea. There will people who you simply aren’t compatible with or who aren’t going to like you no matter what you do. Sometimes it’s incredibly obvious from the start that things aren’t going to work These are going to be the people who reject you — or that you reject — right off the bat. But other times it isn’t obvious at all. Sometimes it may look like you’ve got some chemistry after all. Or that sure they trigger your Spidey-Sense but they’re so hot that maybe you’re willing to overlook it and see if that whole “only one head” rule you have is a deal-breaker or more of a guideline really. This means that you’re going to end up with a lot of false positives. You’ll have long email conversations on OKCupid that trail off and never lead to meeting in person. You’ll have first dates that don’t go anywhere, second dates where you thought things went swimmingly but she won’t return your calls… Yeah, it’s frustrating. But it’s also an inherent part of the process, and the sooner you recognize this, then the easier dating will be for you. A lot of people tend to have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating success; they think that they’re supposed to meet their One True Wuv and live in fairy-tale happiness ever after, and that’s just not how the universe works. It’s very, very unlikely that you’re going to meet a soulmate on the first try. It’s akin to buying a single lottery quick-pick and expecting to hit the Mega-Millions jackpot; it happens, but the odds against it are so astronomical that I don’t think they make numbers large enough to actually express the concept. Believe it or not, this is a feature, not a bug. The savvy dater knows this, because it makes dating easier in the long run. Remembering that dating is a numbers game helps you be outcome independent – you go into each interaction with the attitude of “well, let’s see what happens” rather than “this person may be THE ONE”. It helps absorb the sting of rejection because you didn’t over-invest in this person right off the bat. It empowers you to take risks and approach more people because the more people you approach means that you start that many more conversations. Those conversations mean opportunities to flirt and build chemistry which lead to more opportunities for dates. The cliche “you miss all of the shots you don’t take” is absolutely true. The more you put yourself out there, the more chances you have for success. Now, I already hear the cynics among you saying “yes, and it gives you more opportunities to be shot down.” Which is true. But part of making dating easier means that you have to… - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/5-rules-makes-dating-easier-hesaid/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=5-rules-makes-dating-easier-hesaid#sthash.BlQaIvYF.dpuf
Realize That It’s A Numbers Game The first rule of dating is that you’re going to need to approach a lot of people to find love. Expecting to find The One (there is no One) right off the bat is a recipe for heartbreak. Going into every approach, every date under the assumption that this is going to be the last time you ever have to do this is going to drive you mad in short order. No matter how skilled you are of a Casanova, how good looking you are or how whatever-you-might-be, you’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea. There will people who you simply aren’t compatible with or who aren’t going to like you no matter what you do. Sometimes it’s incredibly obvious from the start that things aren’t going to work These are going to be the people who reject you — or that you reject — right off the bat. But other times it isn’t obvious at all. Sometimes it may look like you’ve got some chemistry after all. Or that sure they trigger your Spidey-Sense but they’re so hot that maybe you’re willing to overlook it and see if that whole “only one head” rule you have is a deal-breaker or more of a guideline really. This means that you’re going to end up with a lot of false positives. You’ll have long email conversations on OKCupid that trail off and never lead to meeting in person. You’ll have first dates that don’t go anywhere, second dates where you thought things went swimmingly but she won’t return your calls… Yeah, it’s frustrating. But it’s also an inherent part of the process, and the sooner you recognize this, then the easier dating will be for you. A lot of people tend to have unrealistic expectations when it comes to dating success; they think that they’re supposed to meet their One True Wuv and live in fairy-tale happiness ever after, and that’s just not how the universe works. It’s very, very unlikely that you’re going to meet a soulmate on the first try. It’s akin to buying a single lottery quick-pick and expecting to hit the Mega-Millions jackpot; it happens, but the odds against it are so astronomical that I don’t think they make numbers large enough to actually express the concept. Believe it or not, this is a feature, not a bug. The savvy dater knows this, because it makes dating easier in the long run. Remembering that dating is a numbers game helps you be outcome independent – you go into each interaction with the attitude of “well, let’s see what happens” rather than “this person may be THE ONE”. It helps absorb the sting of rejection because you didn’t over-invest in this person right off the bat. It empowers you to take risks and approach more people because the more people you approach means that you start that many more conversations. Those conversations mean opportunities to flirt and build chemistry which lead to more opportunities for dates. The cliche “you miss all of the shots you don’t take” is absolutely true. The more you put yourself out there, the more chances you have for success. Now, I already hear the cynics among you saying “yes, and it gives you more opportunities to be shot down.” Which is true. But part of making dating easier means that you have to… - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/5-rules-makes-dating-easier-hesaid/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=5-rules-makes-dating-easier-hesaid#sthash.BlQaIvYF.dpuf
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