The differences in the ways that men and women communicate has been the subject of countless books, magazine articles, talk show discussions, and jokes. These differences can sometimes make men and women seem mysterious to each other, and can occasionally make communication difficult and confusing. People often jokingly say that men and women are from different planets or that they are different species. But just what are these communication differences and what is their cause?
One basic reason men and women have such different ways of communicating is that they see the purpose of communication differently. Research shows that women use communication as a way of growing closer to people and establishing intimate relationships. Women tend to use language to share thoughts and feelings, and to be supportive. Meanwhile, men tend to see the goal of communication as accomplishing a task. Men most often use language to
persuade, argue, convey facts, and demonstrate knowledge.
Although men do not tend to use communication to achieve closeness, they have their own way of bonding. In one study, 75 percent of the men surveyed said that their most meaningful experiences with friends came not through talking, but through shared activities. In a related study, researchers found that fathers tend to show
affection to sons by helping them with tasks and challenges. Javier Morales’s experiences certainly support this idea. Says Morales, “My dad and I are really close, but I wouldn’t say we talk very much. We spend a lot of time together doing things. We spent all of last Saturday repairing my car, and
this weekend we’re going hiking together. My dad and I have a deep bond. Just because we’re not talking doesn’t mean we’re not sharing important time together.”
The content of what males and females talk about tends to be different as well. Researcher Deborah Tannen has found that while feminine talk tends to focus on feelings, relationships, and people,
masculine talk tends to focus on sports, music, and facts.
Women talk to explore problems, but men do not. Instead, men talk to fix problems. This can sometimes cause problems between the sexes. Janet West, a freshman in college, remembers encountering this issue with a male friend recently. “I told my friend Derek about a problem I was having with my parents. He immediately came up with possible solutions to the problem. Being told how to fix the problem was kind of frustrating because it wasn’t what I was looking for. I asked him to stop trying to fix the problem
and try talking with me about it instead. He seemed completely confused and said, ‘Why bother talking about a problem unless you’re trying to find a solution to it?’”
Another way in which men and women differ is in the way they listen. Research has shown that men tend to place all of their attention on one thing at a time, but women do not. Instead, women commonly divide their
attention between a number of things at once and make connections between these different things. Since this comes so easily to women, they are sometimes frustrated when men struggle to do this. For example, a common complaint among women is that when a man is watching television, he often doesn’t hear a question asked by the person sitting right beside him. Sakura Kumi has witnessed this many times in her house. Sakura says, “My mother used to get so frustrated trying to get my father’s attention while he was watching TV, and I did too. So she got into the habit of standing in front of the TV and saying, ‘Hiroshi, I’m about to ask you a question.’ It’s become sort of a family joke.”
Research has shown that these communication differences can be partially explained by the different ways in which the male and female brains are structured and wired. For example, the left side of the brain, where logic and literal thinking are processed, tends to be stronger in men. Meanwhile, women tend to think with the right side, which is where comprehension is processed. The female brain also has more connections between the right and left sides, so their thought process is likely to be more complex and sophisticated.
The differences in the ways that men and women communicate has been the subject of countless books, magazine articles, talk show discussions, and jokes. These differences can sometimes make men and women seem mysterious to each other, and can occasionally make communication difficult and confusing. People often jokingly say that men and women are from different planets or that they are different species. But just what are these communication differences and what is their cause?One basic reason men and women have such different ways of communicating is that they see the purpose of communication differently. Research shows that women use communication as a way of growing closer to people and establishing intimate relationships. Women tend to use language to share thoughts and feelings, and to be supportive. Meanwhile, men tend to see the goal of communication as accomplishing a task. Men most often use language topersuade, argue, convey facts, and demonstrate knowledge.Although men do not tend to use communication to achieve closeness, they have their own way of bonding. In one study, 75 percent of the men surveyed said that their most meaningful experiences with friends came not through talking, but through shared activities. In a related study, researchers found that fathers tend to showaffection to sons by helping them with tasks and challenges. Javier Morales’s experiences certainly support this idea. Says Morales, “My dad and I are really close, but I wouldn’t say we talk very much. We spend a lot of time together doing things. We spent all of last Saturday repairing my car, andthis weekend we’re going hiking together. My dad and I have a deep bond. Just because we’re not talking doesn’t mean we’re not sharing important time together.”The content of what males and females talk about tends to be different as well. Researcher Deborah Tannen has found that while feminine talk tends to focus on feelings, relationships, and people,masculine talk tends to focus on sports, music, and facts.Women talk to explore problems, but men do not. Instead, men talk to fix problems. This can sometimes cause problems between the sexes. Janet West, a freshman in college, remembers encountering this issue with a male friend recently. “I told my friend Derek about a problem I was having with my parents. He immediately came up with possible solutions to the problem. Being told how to fix the problem was kind of frustrating because it wasn’t what I was looking for. I asked him to stop trying to fix the problemand try talking with me about it instead. He seemed completely confused and said, ‘Why bother talking about a problem unless you’re trying to find a solution to it?’”Another way in which men and women differ is in the way they listen. Research has shown that men tend to place all of their attention on one thing at a time, but women do not. Instead, women commonly divide theirattention between a number of things at once and make connections between these different things. Since this comes so easily to women, they are sometimes frustrated when men struggle to do this. For example, a common complaint among women is that when a man is watching television, he often doesn’t hear a question asked by the person sitting right beside him. Sakura Kumi has witnessed this many times in her house. Sakura says, “My mother used to get so frustrated trying to get my father’s attention while he was watching TV, and I did too. So she got into the habit of standing in front of the TV and saying, ‘Hiroshi, I’m about to ask you a question.’ It’s become sort of a family joke.”Research has shown that these communication differences can be partially explained by the different ways in which the male and female brains are structured and wired. For example, the left side of the brain, where logic and literal thinking are processed, tends to be stronger in men. Meanwhile, women tend to think with the right side, which is where comprehension is processed. The female brain also has more connections between the right and left sides, so their thought process is likely to be more complex and sophisticated.
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