When we finally met again, my brother was drunk and had a woman beside him.
That person was a childhood friend of his from Buina Village, and he had married her.
I did not remember this person at all.
Though I remember vaguely that there was a person that stuck close to my little sister and her mother.
I had thought that she wasn't that type of person.
I thought that she would be something else. I felt that something was different.
My brother seemed happy.
When I saw that, my feelings of hatred began to well up within me.
My father did not lay his hands on any woman.
He said he was postponing that until he found my mother.
He never laid hands on my little sister's mother, nor did he lay hands on that woman who was always with him.
And yet.
And yet, my brother was a hypocrite.
I was filled with hatred.
But, I couldn't say anything.
Because I was afraid.
If, I said something, I thought I would get hit.
If my brother hit me, Ruijerd-san might have gotten angry.
When Ruijerd-san met my brother he seemed very happy.
Perhaps, he wouldn't get angry at all.
Perhaps instead he would get angry at me.
That he would tell me not to be selfish.
I couldn't say anything.
And then, that next day, Ruijerd-san left.
I thought that he would be with us forever.
I had thought that I didn't want him to disappear.
But, he left.
I became even more afraid.
In the house, my brother, my little sister, my brother's wife were there.
My little sister was in high spirits meeting my brother.
I thought that my brother's wife was a gentle person.
But, she was not my ally.
In this house, I had no allies.
Until my father came back, I had no choice but to live here in fear.
My little sister was affectionate towards my brother.
I was certainly not like that.
My little sister was pampered, and I was told to work harder.
My little sister said that I wasn't able to do things because I don't put effort into them.
But things that can't be done, can't be done.
No matter how well I do, no matter how hard I practised, I was no match for my little sister.
What was I supposed to do?
To make sure they wouldn't get angry with me, to make sure I wouldn't be compared to my sister, I lived like I was in hiding.
I was afraid of being thrown out of the house into the snow.
At my brother's words, I went to school.
Different than the school I went to in Milshion, it was a little special.
Even though we were in the same grade, rather than children close to my age, there were people of all ages studying.
Honestly, I didn't want to go.
In the end, I would be compared to my little sister again.
However, it seemed that my blessed sister had no intentions of going to school.
To me, that was a bright light of hope.
If my little sister isn't there, perhaps I could work diligently.
That's what I had thought.
My brother faced my little sister, and gave her a condition.
There was an exam.
In order to enter school, an exam was necessary.
I was to take it as well.
I was in despair.
Even if I took the exam, I would certainly not get a passing grade.
When I told him that, my brother said he would sort it out with money.
Hearing something that insensitive, I accidentally raised my voice.
My little sister got mad, and we fought.
"Stop it."
With my brother's cold voice resonating through the room, my fear of him grew.
I thought that I would get hit.
I was scared.
I was in tears.
That from now on I had no choice but to always live in fear of him.
On the day of the exam.
I heard about the dorms from my brother.
Students would leave their homes and live independently.
It seems there were facilities such as this in this school.
That's what I had thought.
My little sister would definitely pass the exam.
Then, she won't go to school.
If I were to live in the dorms, I would not have to face my brother.
I would not be compared to anybody, and would be able to live freely.
When I thought about that, I thought that would be the best outcome.
A few days later, the examination results came back.
My brother asked me what I wanted to do.
I timidly suggested, "I want to try living in the dorms."