The good news is, as in my case, sometimes talking to someone at a hotline like National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), where they know much more about the process abusers use -- the secrecy, control, manipulation, threats, isolation, and violence -- makes it much easier. You recognize that you are not at fault. You realize this is actually, sadly, very common -- and you aren't alone. You realize people will understand. You see that it will only get worse if nothing is done.