sequence
as well as containing the right amount of information , your letter should also make all
the necessary points in a logical sequence,with each idea or piece of information linking up with the previous one in a pattern that can be followed. Do not make a statement,switch to other subjects ,then refer back to the point you made a few sentences or paragraphs before,as in the example.
unclear sequence
this letter is difficult to understand because there is no clear sequence or logical order,
clear sequence
here is a better version of the same letter , in which the ideas and information are in a logical order.
dear sir madam
we are interested in your security systems . we would like to know more about the prices and discounts you offer,
a business associate of ours,dms (wholesalers)ltd,mentioned your name to us and showed us a catalogue.they were impressed with the security system you installed for them,so we are writing to you about it.do you give guarantees with the installations.
in your catalohue we saw the secure 15 which looks as though it might suit our purposes. dms had the secure 18 installed,but as we mentioned,they are wholesalers,while we are a chain of stores.we would like something that can prevent robbery and shoplifting,so the secure 15 might suit us.
how long would it take to install a system that would serve all departments could you send an inspector or adviser to see us soon.
if you can offer competitive prices and guarantees we would put your system ina all our outlets, but initially we would only install the system in our main branch.
we would like to make a decision on this soon, so we would appreciate an early reply.
your faithfully
we are a chain of retail stores and are looking for an efficient security sysytem. you were recommended to us by our associates,dms (wholesalers)ltd , for whom you recently installed the secure 18 alarm system.
we are a chain of retail stores and are looking for an efficient security sysytem. you were recommended to us by our associates,dms (wholesalers)ltd , for whom you recently installed the secure 18 alarm system.
we need a system which would give us comprehensive protection against robbery and shoplifting throughout all departments,and the secure 15 featured in your current catalogue would appear to suit us. however , it would be helpful if one of your representatives could visit us so that we can discuss details of the available systems.
initially we would test the system we select in our main branch,and if it proves satisfactory,install it throughout our other branches.our choice would,of course,be influenced by a competitive quotation and ful guarantees for maintenance and service.
please reply as soon as possible as we would like to make a decision within the next few months.
yours sincerely