The tools and tenor of bullying are different and more dangerous in this generation than they were in mine. Anti-bullying programs are good but not enough. We rely on them to promote empathy and respect for those who don't fit in. But it's not just misfits singled out for torment; it can be anybody that somebody doesn't like.
The same sort of crowd-sourcing that helps startups thrive can turn a middle school clique into an online mob.
It's easy for bullies to enlist allies who can just post something nasty — even anonymously — online, instead of risking an unpleasant confrontation face to face. And it's hard for victims to hide from insults delivered 24-7 on their cellphones.
Parents are clueless about the culture and temptations online.
The 14-year-old charged with stalking displayed a stunningly callous message on her Facebook page just after Rebecca died. "Yes [I know] I bullied REBECCA nd she killed her self but [I don't care]," it said. The message ended with a little pink heart.
Her parents insist that the teenager is "a loving, caring, supportive young girl with many friends." Her Facebook page must have been hacked, they said. But when the sheriff asked them to bring her in for a talk, they refused and lawyered up.
Rebecca's mother knew she was being bullied. She pulled Rebecca from school and taught her at home, monitored her Facebook page and took away her cellphone. But when things calmed down, she loosened the reins and Rebecca went back online.
Rebecca posed questions about suicide, set up new social media accounts, even made a screen saver with a photo of her head resting on railroad tracks. She called herself "That Dead Girl" on one of her secret online sites that her mother never saw.
Rebecca attended a school that discouraged bullying. Her mother tried to protect her.
But careful parenting and school assemblies are no match for an adolescent ethos where nastiness is acceptable and being popular means everything.