I'm now studying hard to get a great score on TOEFL test, but it is so difficult. Can somebody help me to improve my writing skills? I just want a simple correction, so you don't have to read it very carefully but please score and correct.
According to the database of the Korean TV Council, the 40% of children are watching TV more than talking with/to their friends and family. This is dangerous example considering the that kids are a future world asset. of future world. However, are the kids unsocial kids are only because of the TV? If then so, every children child with a TV in the house should have had problems with communications communication. Almost every family has the a TV but they don't usually don't have communication problems. So I disagree with the statement that television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Firstly, television is not the pacemaker (are you sure that's the word you wanted?) which makes the kids' adrenalin pumps pump, but television is just a machine which should be chosen by viewer to be watched viewers can choose to watch or not. Secondly, the real problem reason of for this inability of communication to communicate is the vicious (this adjective doesn't fit here. I don't know what you wanted to say so I can't suggest an alternative) character of a few television users.
Most of all, television is a machine not a human which could not tell people to watch itself it. It is just a machine. There have been many debates for about the necessity for machines' position for human life in modern life, just like for example, is it are they a convenient tool for convenience or the are they dangerous? material? The conclusion is different by people, eople have come to different conclusions but I think people could can choose to use technology by their choice to fight wars in the war or to cure sick people. Alike Like technology, television itself can also helps help people to learn a foreign language or about other cultures. cultural habits, and At the same time, it could partly destroy communication among friends or families. partially. It is because kids watched it disregarding their obligation but only fulfilling their satisfaction.I don't know what this sentence means. What obligation are they disregarding by watching television?
Furthermore, television itself is not only responsible for an inability of communication to communicate but also the vicious (same problem as last time - this isn't the correct adjective) character of a few television users. I cannot deny that television-addicted people usually have a communication problem disorder in communication, but they were not normal before they are were addicted. They just chose television for their unsatisfactory mind (what is an unsatisfactory mind?) to have fun, to fulfil their crazy thinking toward television.(what is their "crazy thinking towards television?) These kinds of people usually choose get involved in crimes, violence (no comma required) or drugs etc. Considering them, At least television is better than all of them.
In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Firstly, one is that television is only a machine, so the fault through television is done only by is the users'. Secondly, one is that it is not only television that is to blame for is the sinner of the destroyed communication problems, but also the vicious (wrong adjective again) character of a few television users. In the near future, other than aside from television, many different problems will be blamed on many kinds of machines or technologies. are to be blame because of diverse problems. Alike As with television, these are just a problems caused by the of users, not the responsibility of the machines itself themselves.