But you have to come."
Spock clasped his hands behind his back. "Captain - "
"Jim," Kirk insisted, for what had to be the billionth time. "We're off duty, my name is Jim, and you have to come with us to Risa."
"I am accompanying you to the planet's surface," Spock hedged. "Simply not to your choice in establishments."
"Not good enough," Kirk said firmly. "I'm not letting you run off to a library or museum or something."
"I assure you, I - "
"You are joining us - " Kirk motioned to the group, made up of himself, Uhura, Nurse Chapel, and McCoy, " - and coming to the bar. It'll be awesome. "I hear they have Orion slavegirls as dancers! In bikinis! Orions in bikinis, Spock!"
Kirk watched as Spock shot a look at Uhura. There almost seemed to be a hint of a plea in his expression. Uhura returned his gaze innocently, seeming to be strangely amused. "Captain - " Spock started again.
"Jim," Kirk snapped. "Besides, Uhura's coming, so obviously you have to come."
"Yes. Obviously," Uhura said, still looking amused.
Spock's expression did something amazing - somehow not changing, and yet expressing something slightly pained all at the same time. "Nyota," he began, and was that desperation lurking under that monotone? "Perhaps you could inform the captain - "
"No and no. You're not getting out of this," Kirk interrupted.
"Sounds like you're coming with us to a bar with Orion girls, Spock!" Uhura said sweetly.
"Dancing," Kirk supplied helpfully.
"Dancing, Spock!" Uhura echoed, smiling brightly at Spock.
"In bikinis," Kirk emphasized.
"Orion girls dancing in bikinis, Spock!" Uhura linked arms with Chapel, who grinned conspiratorially at her. "Isn't that exactly what you wanted to do tonight?"
Spock pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes. Exactly," he said, his voice drier than a Vulcan desert.
*****
The club was everything Kirk had hoped for, filled to bursting with beautiful aliens and insane alcohols. Kirk had gotten a beer and gone straight to one of the dancing stages, where an Orion redhead in a neon bikini was dancing - well, writhing would probably have been more accurate. McCoy had parked himself and his gleeful expression on a stool at the bar, seemingly oblivious to the nearby Denebian lady eying him hopefully.
Kirk scanned the club to see where the others had gone. He spotted the other three not too far away. Uhura and Chapel were at the platform of a male dancer, a Risian in nothing but spandex hotpants. They seemed to be frozen in place; drinks clutched tightly in their hands and their jaws at their knees. Kirk couldn't blame them; he may have been straight, but he could appreciate that the Risian bastard was gorgeous, with abs Kirk would have killed for and an almost obscene bulge.
Spock was hovering just behind Uhura and Chapel, watching the dancer over their heads. Of course he was; Kirk figured he'd be all up on his girlfriend too, if his girlfriend was watching a guy like that. Spock was staring at the dancer as avidly as Uhura and Chapel. Of course he was; Kirk figured he'd be watching the bastard real close too, in case the guy tried to make a move on his girl.
As Kirk was watching his crew, a Tiburonian actually sidled up behind Spock, real sleazy like, and leaned in to whisper in Spock's ear. Spock turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised. The Tiburonian licked his lips obscenely. Spock appraisingly tilted his head.
Kirk was aghast. That was a cheap and easy come on if Kirk had ever seen one - and frankly, Kirk knew all about cheap and easy come ons. That Tiburonian had the gall to come onto Spock and he was doing it right behind Uhura's back.
Righteously indignant on Spock and Uhura's behalf, Kirk left the Orion's stage and stormed over to his friends.
"You shameless asshole," he snarled, grabbing the Tiburonian's shoulder and whirling him around.
The Tiburonian gaped at him. Spock's eyes widened. Uhura and Chapel - and about six other patrons - turned to see what was going on.
"How dare you hit on Spock!" Kirk continued harshly.
The Tiburonian looked from Kirk to Spock and then back to Kirk, who glared at him. His expression went from a gaping what the hell to a terrified oh shit.
"Captain, allow me to explain - " Spock began.
"You should be ashamed," Kirk interrupted, and pointed at Spock. "This Vulcan is spoken for!"
"Captain - "
"I promise, I had no idea," the Tiburonian said nervously, wringing his hands.
"A likely story!" Kirk snapped. "His partner's right in front of you."
Spock made a strange movement that could almost have been a wince. "Jim, you must listen - " He cast a pointed look at Uhura.
Kirk followed his gaze, and was aghast to see that Uhura had buried her face in Chapel's shoulder, her own shoulders shaking. Kirk couldn't believe this alien had made Uhura cry. Now he was pissed. He folded his arms over his chest and moved in front of Spock protectively. "You