as been tension between my mother and I, and after going to college for a year I want to be able to resolve it more than anything. Whenever we talk, there is a lot of strain and awkwardness in the relationship. My mom has a personality that goes way up one minute and way down the next, but is never in the middle. This conflicts with my personality, which mostly just stays in the middle. When she is in one of her good moods, she tries to have a really close relationship with me, asking questions about my personal life and giving me lots of hugs and stuff. These hugs seem to be something that she uses to stay sure that everything between us is okay. But, for me, they are annoying because she will have just gotten done telling me that I am the biggest disappointment of her life, and then suddenly get in a good mood again, and wants a hug. I feel like these hugs are more of a punishment than a good thing, and so I am not enthusiastic, and that puts her in a bad mood again.
When my mom is upset, there is no way of calming her down. She uses what I told her in her good moods against me in when she is in a bad mood. For instance, if I tell her that I am in a fight with a friend, she seems to really care but next time she is upset she says "No wonder you have no friends". I have learned to not tell her anything too personal because I don't want to be too vulnerable. However, when she is in a good mood she wants to know everything about how I am and if I don't tell her that puts her in a bad mood again. I feel like it is a never-ending cycle and like I am in charge of whatever mood she is in. When she is in a bad mood, I feel it is my responsibility to bring her back up to a good mood. When she is in a good mood, I struggle to keep her there. I think I feel like this is sometimes because so many of her emotions are taken out on me, and so I feel like those emotions are all a result of who I am, something I have said, or something I have done.
Can I do anything to make the relationship work better while I am home this summer? How can I develop a better attitude about this?
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