Shin Hye looked up at him curiously. ‘Aren’t you going to sit down?’ She tapped the beach chair right beside hers.
Min Ho smiled and sat down, facing the sea. He’d been anxious the whole day so he never really paid attention to any of his surroundings. But looking at the ocean in front of him, it really was a lovely sight.
‘I could live here forever,’ she said softly.
Min Ho took his eyes off the view and turned to her. She was smiling so sweetly, causing Min Ho’s heart to drum loudly against his chest. Shin Hye always had that strange effect on him. She made him feel at peace, but at the same time, she rocked every part of his being. All he wanted to do right now was kneel in front of her and run his fingers across her cheek, then lace them through her hair. Lean in closer, breathe her scent, and kiss her senseless. The only time he’ll pull away is to take a few seconds to catch his breath and tell her…
‘I love you.’
He didn’t mean to say it out loud, but he thought his heart was going to burst if he didn’t.
Shin Hye turned to him, her brows furrowed and her lips parted. He knew she was startled, and that she didn’t know what to say back. Good. Because I’m not done yet, he thought.
‘I never stopped loving you,’ he continued. ‘And I won’t stop.’
Her eyes glistened under the light. He could sense her body go frigid at the sudden confession, but he didn’t want to take too long. She needed to hear him out.
‘I’m a moron. An idiot. I’m a coward. I was selfish and stupid. Because I was hurt and scared. But that’s not an excuse for what I did to you. You didn’t deserve that.’
‘I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing for both of us. But the truth was, I was running away. I was too scared of getting hurt again, and I blamed you, the media, the agency – everyone else but myself. I thought for sure I was doing it for your sake, but no. I was trying to protect myself and my heart. And it took me all this time away from you to realize that. I’m so sorry, Shin Hye. I’m so, so sorry,’ he looked down and bit his lip, trying to stop himself from crying. He could never forgive himself for what he did to her.
When he looked up, Shin Hye was already wiping her cheeks. He could see the tears and the hurt in her eyes. And all he wanted to do was to make it stop.
‘I thought…’ Shin Hye’s voice quivered, ‘…I thought you realized you didn’t love me anymore.’
Min Ho felt his heart shatter to a thousand pieces. He stood up and crouched down in front of her, determined to make the pain go away. He took her hands and rained kisses on them. ‘No, that’s not true. Don’t believe that. I love you, Shin Hye. So much.’ Min Ho reached for her cheek and wiped her tears. ‘I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m sorry I’m such an idiot. I love you.’
Min Ho’s eyes stung from the tears that were starting to well. ‘I know I’m being selfish again. I know that you probably hate me. I made a mistake – and I can never take that back. It’s shameless, but I won’t allow myself to just let you go without trying,’ Min Ho spoke, looking up at her. ‘Shin Hye, please come back to me. I can’t take being away from you anymore. Please come back.’
‘Oppa, I…’ Shin Hye started to say, her tears still streaming down her face. ‘…I want to say yes. I really do. But I’m scared. I don’t think I can go through that again.’
He squeezed her hands in desperation. I did this to her. ‘I’m scared, too. I’m scared shitless that I might hurt you again, in any way or form. But I’m going to do my best not to. I love you enough not to.’
Min Ho waited for Shin Hye’s tears to subside without letting go of one of her hands. She didn’t respond, but Min Ho could tell she was thinking about it. He was willing to wait for her, however long it takes. After what seemed like forever, Shin Hye finally held Min Ho’s gaze. She didn’t say anything, but her eyes communicated what Min Ho was afraid of. Uncertainty.
‘Do you still love me?’ He asked quietly. It wasn’t a dare, nor was it a ploy to make her realize what she has to do. It was an honest question from a man who was still in love with her. Because if she didn’t love him anymore, he had to know. So I can stop pestering you, and you can go on with your life. And I can live knowing that I had happiness in my hands, and I let it go.
Shin Hye didn’t flinch at the question. She just continued to look into his eyes, as if she was searching for something. Every second of her silence was torture to Min Ho. His head was filled with thoughts of how he can cope if she rejected him, how he can move on from here. He can’t picture a life without her anymore.
She averted her gaze from his face down to their entwined hands. His grip on hers wasn’t tight, but it was snug. If he could, he would hold on to that hand forever. But Shin Hye slowly pulled her hand away while Min Ho could only watch helplessly.Is this her answer? Min Ho dropped his head, as the bitter reality washed over him like stinging ice water. His body went numb, but he fought the overwhelming urge to collapse on the sand. It’s over.
Just then, Shin Hye reached for his right hand and stroked the back of his palm it with her thumb. ‘I can’t tell you how many times I told myself to stop loving you, oppa,’ she said, her voice meek. ‘But my heart is unbelievably stubborn,’ she paused, ‘I still love you. That was never a question.’
At that moment, all Min Ho wanted to do was wrap her in his arms, and assure her that everything was going to be alright from that point on. But there was something in her expression that stopped him. She wasn’t done talking yet, and Min Ho was scared of what she might say next.
‘Oppa, we’re different from other people. There’s a lot at stake for us…’ she continued, sounding anxious. ‘If there was one thing I learned when we broke up, it was the harsh truth of who we are, and… and what we can’t be.’
Min Ho listened carefully and he sensed it. The hesitation. She’s been telling herself this over and over, . But something doesn’t become true just because you believe it is. He learned that the hard way.
‘Shin Hye, listen to me,’ Min Ho spoke with conviction. ‘Right now, what you’re doing… you’re making excuses. And I don’t blame you, I did the same thing. That line of thinking was my justification for breaking up with you. But they were only excuses for my fears, for my insecurities. Right now, you’re thinking… I hurt you once, I can hurt you again. You’re not really afraid of the media, the agencies, or the fans. You’re afraid of me.’
Min Ho paused to study Shin Hye’s reaction. The look in her face confirmed that what he was saying was true. She looked down, as if embarrassed to have been found out. But Min Ho reached for her cheek and gently caressed it. ‘Give me permission to get rid of that fear, Shin Hye. I can prove to you that you have nothing to be afraid of. Because you already have my heart. Hurting you would mean hurting myself, too.’
Min Ho rose to his height, and pulled her up with him. Min Ho tucked her hair behind her ears. Shin Hye was always so strong, and it was one of the things he fell in love with. She didn’t take crap from anyone, and she was her own boss. He knows it isn’t easy for her to surrender herself to someone wholeheartedly, because that would mean losing control and allowing herself to be exposed to the possibility of getting hurt. So right now, as Shin Hye appeared so fragile in front of him, he felt a primal instinct to protect her. If she would only let me.