SEEING OURSELVES AS OTHERS SEE US
We have a 'No jerks allowed' rule, but our chief tech officer is one," an executive at a California tech incubator tells me.
"He executes very well, but he's a huge bully, freezes people out who he doesn't like, plays favorites.
"He's got zero self-awareness," she adds. "He just does not realize when he's being a bully. If you point out to him he's just done it again, he shifts the blame, gets angry, or thinks you're the prob lem."
The company's CEO later told me, "We worked with him for another three months or so, and then finally had to let him go. He couldn't change-he was a bully, and didn't even see it."
All too often when we "lose it" and fall back on a less desirable way of acting, we're oblivious to what we do. And if no one tells us, we stay that way.
One surefire test for self-awareness is a "360-degree" evalua
tion, where you're asked to rate yourself on a range of specific be haviors or traits. Those self-ratings are checked against evaluations by a dozen or so people whom you have asked to rate you on the same scale. You pick them because they know you well and you respect their judgment-and their ratings are anonymous, so they cn feel free to be frank. The gap between how you see yourself and how the others rate you offers one of the best evaluations you can get anywhere of your own self-awareness.
There's an intriguing relationship between self-awareness and power: There are relatively few gaps between one's own and others' ratings among lower-level employees. But the higher someone's position in an organization, the bigger the gap.1 Self awareness seems to diminish with promotions up the organiza tion's ladder.
One theory: That gap widens because as people rise in power within an organization the circle shrinks of others willing or cou rageous enough to speak to them honestly about their quirks. Then there are those who simply deny their deficits, or can't see them in the first place.
Whatever the reason, tuned-out leaders see themselves as being far more effective than do those they are guiding. A lack of self awareness leaves you clueless. Think The Office.
A 360-degree evaluation applies the power of seeing ourselves through the eyes of others, which offers another pathway to self awareness. Robert Burns, the Scottish poet, praised this pathway m verse:
Oh that the gods
The gift would gi'e us
To see ourselves
As others see us.
A more sardonic view was offered by W. H. Auden, who ob served that, so "I may love myself," we each create a positive self image in our minds by selective forgetting of what's unflattering to us and recalling what's admirable about us. And, he added, we do something similar with the image we try to create "in the minds of others in order that they may love me."
SEEING OURSELVES AS OTHERS SEE US
We have a 'No jerks allowed' rule, but our chief tech officer is one," an executive at a California tech incubator tells me.
"He executes very well, but he's a huge bully, freezes people out who he doesn't like, plays favorites.
"He's got zero self-awareness," she adds. "He just does not realize when he's being a bully. If you point out to him he's just done it again, he shifts the blame, gets angry, or thinks you're the prob lem."
The company's CEO later told me, "We worked with him for another three months or so, and then finally had to let him go. He couldn't change-he was a bully, and didn't even see it."
All too often when we "lose it" and fall back on a less desirable way of acting, we're oblivious to what we do. And if no one tells us, we stay that way.
One surefire test for self-awareness is a "360-degree" evalua
tion, where you're asked to rate yourself on a range of specific be haviors or traits. Those self-ratings are checked against evaluations by a dozen or so people whom you have asked to rate you on the same scale. You pick them because they know you well and you respect their judgment-and their ratings are anonymous, so they cn feel free to be frank. The gap between how you see yourself and how the others rate you offers one of the best evaluations you can get anywhere of your own self-awareness.
There's an intriguing relationship between self-awareness and power: There are relatively few gaps between one's own and others' ratings among lower-level employees. But the higher someone's position in an organization, the bigger the gap.1 Self awareness seems to diminish with promotions up the organiza tion's ladder.
One theory: That gap widens because as people rise in power within an organization the circle shrinks of others willing or cou rageous enough to speak to them honestly about their quirks. Then there are those who simply deny their deficits, or can't see them in the first place.
Whatever the reason, tuned-out leaders see themselves as being far more effective than do those they are guiding. A lack of self awareness leaves you clueless. Think The Office.
A 360-degree evaluation applies the power of seeing ourselves through the eyes of others, which offers another pathway to self awareness. Robert Burns, the Scottish poet, praised this pathway m verse:
Oh that the gods
The gift would gi'e us
To see ourselves
As others see us.
A more sardonic view was offered by W. H. Auden, who ob served that, so "I may love myself," we each create a positive self image in our minds by selective forgetting of what's unflattering to us and recalling what's admirable about us. And, he added, we do something similar with the image we try to create "in the minds of others in order that they may love me."
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SEEING OURSELVES AS OTHERS SEE US
We have a 'No jerks allowed' rule, but our chief tech officer is one," an executive at a California tech incubator tells me.
"He executes very well, but he's a huge bully, freezes people out who he doesn't like, plays favorites.
"He's got zero self-awareness," she adds. "He just does not realize when he's being a bully. If you point out to him he's just done it again, he shifts the blame, gets angry, or thinks you're the prob lem."
The company's CEO later told me, "We worked with him for another three months or so, and then finally had to let him go. He couldn't change-he was a bully, and didn't even see it."
All too often when we "lose it" and fall back on a less desirable way of acting, we're oblivious to what we do. And if no one tells us, we stay that way.
One surefire test for self-awareness is a "360-degree" evalua
tion, where you're asked to rate yourself on a range of specific be haviors or traits. Those self-ratings are checked against evaluations by a dozen or so people whom you have asked to rate you on the same scale. You pick them because they know you well and you respect their judgment-and their ratings are anonymous, so they cn feel free to be frank. The gap between how you see yourself and how the others rate you offers one of the best evaluations you can get anywhere of your own self-awareness.
There's an intriguing relationship between self-awareness and power: There are relatively few gaps between one's own and others' ratings among lower-level employees. But the higher someone's position in an organization, the bigger the gap.1 Self awareness seems to diminish with promotions up the organiza tion's ladder.
One theory: That gap widens because as people rise in power within an organization the circle shrinks of others willing or cou rageous enough to speak to them honestly about their quirks. Then there are those who simply deny their deficits, or can't see them in the first place.
Whatever the reason, tuned-out leaders see themselves as being far more effective than do those they are guiding. A lack of self awareness leaves you clueless. Think The Office.
A 360-degree evaluation applies the power of seeing ourselves through the eyes of others, which offers another pathway to self awareness. Robert Burns, the Scottish poet, praised this pathway m verse:
Oh that the gods
The gift would gi'e us
To see ourselves
As others see us.
A more sardonic view was offered by W. H. Auden, who ob served that, so "I may love myself," we each create a positive self image in our minds by selective forgetting of what's unflattering to us and recalling what's admirable about us. And, he added, we do something similar with the image we try to create "in the minds of others in order that they may love me."
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