my thoughts !!
Good to know about that Matt !! First one I want to say " So sorry for being silly !! " If you wanna know why did I make face like that ... I want to ask you one thing ... Did you always see me with the sad face ?? Have you ever notice me why do I always look at computer by never see your face ? if you were so listen !! I don't know why when you come to see me but you never talk to me !!! you sit opposite Preaw but not me !! Ypu always talk to her !!! make her laugh and smile while I still having a sad face ... Have you ever move your ass to my place ?? and tease me and make me feel better ?? NO !!! until I want to be quiet !!! and I don't want to talk to you and don't want to see you cuz I feel angry and if I feel like that I have to mood to talk to you ... you want me to smile but you think that you know me from another person ...you asked someone to help but you never talk to me !!! so How do you know what am I thinking ..... I just want someone to make me smile or laugh and support me when I tried not chatting with someone else or being quiet and think by yourself that I hate you or I wanna leave from you !!!
Second ! I didn't go to your place like before cuz I feel tried to go and back ... and I want to look after you as well so bf I went to your place cuz if I am not too tried I will go .... you always ask me to be there with you to stay at night like that !! I cannot !!!! That time that I can I had to lie my mom for going with Praew !!! And I don't want to do it with my mom again !! I know about my health I sometimes go out with you at night IF I CAN !!! but I cannot go out everyday like that ..and this thing everyone who is my friend knew that ...even Praew ... I don't like going out at night many times!!! I wanna taking a rest !!! I sleep at 12 or 1 or 2 am everyday .... after I cleared everything in my house .. I have to clean , cook and take a shower so u think about that how long does it take for finishing it !!!! I wanna rush to home to do it early and I can sleep early ... I don't want to go to the school in the morning and having a tried face as you see at the present !!! I have few time to have a rest .. I never have time to sleep more than 5 hrs for 3 months Matt and now my health is getting worse !! I am sick more often .. and cannot breath sometime cuz too tried !!! If I have time I tried to go !! you know that I was sick yesterday but you want to go shopping so I went with you ... even I was sick but not better until I know that I couldnt take it anymore and I had to go back home and felt sorry that I sent SMS to you .... but you still being quiet !!!
I know you like orange juice that why I always look at the orange stand and buy it for you ^__^ I want you to understand about this thing .... it doesnt mean that I don't want to be with you
Third !!! About my mom , I don't need to ask you about my mom Matt !! it depends on you ... when you re ready you tell me and I can call to my mom !!! Why you have to let me to manage everything !!! am not your boss and you have to show your sincere not telling from me ... thats I can know you will be serious or not ..This is Thailand not England !!! I don't want to be bossy to tell you turn left or turn right !!! Think by yourself .... even for your dad I asked you first right to go to have dinner with him even your mom that she gonna come here I planed already right ?? that I will go to see her !!!! Just tell me when she comes !!! no need to ask you again ....
Forth !! about expression ... I touched you before and kiss you sometimes but I stopped doing that after you never do this to me first ... when I walk with you I always hold you hand first kiss you first when having a break time and calling you out from the room .... or hug you but you never do this to me first JUST SOMETIMES you do it to me so I can count it !!! I like touching as well !! but just don't kiss in front anyone thats ok !!! so I am lazy to call you and tell you what to do to me as well !! I AM A WOMAN !!! and in our way we cannot show too much in the public place !!!! Let the man does !!!
Fifth !! Talk to me better than talk to anybody else !!! you can ask me cuz no one know how am I !!!!
Finally !! sorry for making thing too complicated to you !!! I just want to tell you that I tried to do everything that I can and if you think that it's not enough and want to ask more it depends on you cuz I used to say that I am myself and don't want to go around someone and loosing myself !! I manage my life and you manage your life am not your boss and sometimes I feel bored that I have to be the first person to choose everything or decided where re we going !! you are a man Plzz lead it sometimes !!! and I don't want to force you for staying with me ... I am serious that I will go to England and find some jobs or study there .. but it doesn't mean that I have to rely on you all the time .... I carry on myself from now and then and even I stay with you there I am always like this I am never change !! so don't expect that I will give you more time there....until we get married and stay together .... you still have to learn about me a lot Matt ... am not teenager and think everything easy like that !!! I know when I play and when I get serious .... but the one who can stand by me and walk with me must be the one who understand me the most even nothing I say... or support me all the time when I fall down .... I try to find that person Matt !!!
PS. Thing is not important to me just know how to make me happy and smile and laugh or know what I like that's enough for me ..even that thing is just only 5 baht or not precious !!!
You will understand or not I cant know but it's just the thing I can say ..... you will be keep staying or walk away .... make up by yourself Matt !! when you re ready ... tell me that time !!!