in-person component of the appraisal, you should consult the
FAQ section on the company intranet.
Amanda, ext. xxxx
What’s your assessment of Amanda’s revision? Is complete a better
choice than fill out? How about conduct instead of do? Is consult stronger
than read? Notice that Amanda’s original words were fine; most people,
however, think that her revision is better.
EXERCISE 15: Revise in a Methodical Manner
In the following first draft of an E-mail to retail sales staff, Les, the merchandising
manager of a one-hour eyeglasses store chain, wants to institute
a policy that the in-store sales staff shouldn’t leave eyeglass frames
scattered on the counter. Les explained that he struggled with how to
word the E-mail. “I didn’t want to issue an edict,” he explained. “I
wanted to position it as a sales strategy.”
Read Les’s first draft, answer the questions, and then revise the
E-mail, addressing the issues raised.
Hi Sales Team:
Leaving eyeglass frames scattered over the counter looks
chaotic and unappealing to customers entering our stores. It
also creates confusion in customers who are trying on frames,
making it hard for them to make a choice.
Effective immediately, please ensure that frames aren’t left
haphazardly on the counter.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Best, Les
What do you think? Let’s take an analytical approach to evaluating
Les’s E-mail. To do so, we’ll use the step-by-step model we’ve discussed
thus far.
1. Is Les’s objective clear? Write it out.