Let’s evaluate the total revision:
As the leader in the silk flower industry, we create arrangements that
are lush and full and always custom designed. All arrangements feature
seasonal blossoms in an array of colors to create just the look you seek.
Our flowers will be perfect, whether the occasion is a wedding, reunion,
business meeting or conference, or other event. We guarantee that
every arrangement will be custom designed to your specifications,
delivered on time, and at or below budget. (Four sentences totaling
seventy-six words [20 + 17 + 19 + 20 = 76] average nineteen words
per sentence.)
Gloria explains, “Knowing to look first for a compound sentence
and then for a complicated sentence made revising much easier. I like
having a model that provides specific steps.”
No matter how you revised this example, ask yourself if you made it
more concise. Did you shorten sentences while preserving the author’s
intention? Did you convey needed information?
Remember, when shortening sentences, use as many words as you need
to make your points, but no more.
TACTIC TWO: CLARITY
If your readers have to study your communications to understand your
message, you’re slowing them down and making them work unnecessarily
hard. Reader confusion often results from a lack of writer preparation.
However, even when you’ve followed the steps outlined in this book,
you might leave your readers confused because of two specific issues:
1. misplaced or misused modifiers
2. unexplained acronyms or technical jargon
Selecting and positioning modifying words and phrases correctly
and defining all terminology that may be unfamiliar to your readers
will help ensure clarity in your communications.