“Because while you like to pretend, you’re not human,” Dipper started, “You can’t connect with anyone emotionally. You didn’t even know what a date is. You’re dangerous. You’re insane. You’d chase the person away when you’re on a one and one basis-“
“Dipper!” Mabel scolded, elbowing her brother hard in the side.
“What?” Dipper demanded, ignoring Bill’s heated look, “He asked!”
“You didn’t have to be so rude,” She hissed before frowning at Bill. “He didn’t mean that,” She assured, “He’s just upset that more girls like you than you.”
“Not true!”
Bill brightened a bit at that, “Really?”
“Ugh, you should’ve seen him in college,” Mabel confided.
Dipper felt his face heat up, “Mabel!”
“I had no problem with boys,” She bragged, ignoring her brother, “But Dipper would get really gross and sweaty around people he liked.”
“Tell me more, Shooting Star!”
“Don’t!”
Mabel laughed and winked at Bill. “Later.” She promised. “I’m gonna go get started on dinner since it’s my night. You guys can close?”
Dipper grumbled angrily while Bill nodded and waved her off.
A quiet settled over Dipper and Bill. The both of them usually had these moments when Mabel left the room. They’d sit in quiet, doing what they usually did in the silence and patiently waiting for the other to break and say anything. They were pretty even in who won these battles.
This time, Dipper won but it didn’t feel like it.
“Are you telling me that you’re not as world knowing as I thought you were?”
“Shut up, Bill.” Dipper ground out, finishing his count and setting some money aside before putting a certain amount back into the register.
Bill snickered, absolutely amused by this situation and began tidying up the shop to look busy, “You know, Pine Tree,” He started conversationally, “Maybe I will accept one of these dates.”
“Bill. No.”
“Do you think one of those girls would accept? I think gifts are used in courtship, right?” Bill continued. “Screaming heads? Skinned rabbits?”
“Bill, I swear to God,” Dipper interrupted. “Don’t you even try to make trouble for us. Don’t go on a date with anyone.”
“What are you going to do about it?” Bill challenged with a smug grin.
Dipper narrowed his eyes. He should’ve known that Bill was trying to make a new deal. This was all some stupid ruse, but Dipper knew that if he denied Bill at least an offer, then Bill was going to do something really messed up despite behaving himself so far.
“What do you want?”
“Why, Pine Tree, I’m offended,” Bill started dramatically, putting his hand to his chest in mock offense. He grinned as Dipper’s expression became more annoyed. “Your bed.”
“You want to sleep in my bed?!” Dipper asked. “Where am I going to sleep?”
He knew the answer though.
Bill wanted Dipper to suffer so he’d be doomed to sleep on the cot for God knows how long.
“In the bed with me,” Bill replied absently, straightening a couple boxes of zombie bobbleheads.
Dipper choked on air and nearly dropped the change he was holding. “What?!”
“You heard me, kid,” Bill was grinning again. Like a cat that had a mouse cornered. “It’s big enough for the both of us and it’s getting colder. I was freezing last night.”
“No way.” Dipper practically snarled.
“Do you think women would prefer a necklace made of deer teeth or bear teeth?” Bill asked conversationally. “I think maybe mixing it up and then warping reality and having an interdimensional beast for dinner.”
“Fine!” Dipper yelled.
Bill strode across the room and stretched his hand out across the counter towards Dipper, flashing blue flame already covering Bill’s hand. “Shake on it.”
Dipper practically snarled in frustration and took Bill’s hand in a firm shake.
“Atta boy, Pine Tree,” Bill practically cooed and Dipper couldn’t help but hate himself for so easily getting tricked into another deal.
Bill knew him too well and was manipulating it.
Things were going to get dangerous and Dipper had no idea how to stop it.
Mabel poked her head out from behind the door to the house and smiled, “Dinner’s almost ready,” She sang. “And Dipper, can you guys go grocery shopping tomorrow? I’m behind on my orders so I can’t do it.”
“Yeah, no problem,” Dipper assured. “I can do it.”
“And I can help,” Bill grinned at Dipper, earning an unimpressed look.
Mabel, however, gave them a toothy smile. “Thanks! You guys are the best!”
“Anytime, Shooting Star,” Bill practically purred and Dipper glared at him. Not because Dipper didn’t like Bill chatting so playfully with Mabel, he knew that would happen because of their personalities, but he didn’t like how flirtacious it seemed on Bill’s part.
Dipper trusted Mabel but he didn’t trust Bill one bit.
Mabel laughed, “Oh, you. Come get dinner.” She joked before going back into the house.
Bill was about to move to the door when Dipper stretched across the counter and grabbed his arm. “Wait a sec.”
“What, Pine Tree?” Bill asked impatiently, “Dinner’s ready.”
“Don’t forget our deal,” Dipper scowled, “It includes Mabel too