“Shoulds” and “Oughts” Some group members seem to be ruled by “shoulds” and “oughts”: “I should be interested in what others say in this group”; “I ought to care for everyone, and if I don’t, I feel terrible”; “I should express only positive feelings”; and so on.
The list of “shouldisms,” both in daily life and in a group situation, is endless.
Members can at least become aware of the frequency of their “should” and “ought” remarks and of the feelings of powerlessness that accompany their use.
One way of increasing one’s awareness of the limitations imposed by a “should” standard is to experiment with changing phrases such as “I have to” or “I should” to “I choose to.”