Wax dripped down a candle.
It was night. The sky outside the window was already dark.
I spoke while gazing at the softly burning candle.
“I wonder what I had done wrong.”
“……”
“While traveling through the air from Pavia to the Empire of Habsburg, and all the way to my castle in the Black Mountain, Lapis and I did not share a single word. My head was in turmoil.”
I raised my head.
Barbatos was seated on the sofa to the other side of myself.
Her brows were knitted in the shape of 八, and her lips were retracted as if she was going to say something, except, Barbatos was unable to utter a single word. At some point while listening to my story, she had forgotten about drinking alcohol and was only staring at my face.
At a loss for words.
Literally.
“I had definitely resolved myself. That if Lapis stepped out of line one more time, then I would show her her place. But once it actually happened…… be it rage or whatever, every emotion disappeared and left behind only confusion.”
What exactly was Lapis hoping for.
“It was because I couldn’t understand. Lapis stopped me when I had tried to kill the old lady. She had stopped me again when I tried to kill that maid. Is it not weird? Isn’t it? Barbatos, this is abnormal.”
I raised the corners of my mouth.
I intended to smile but my mouth ended up twitching instead.
To Barbatos, my current state must appear incredibly unseemly.
As it was proof that my emotion was escaping my control, I left it alone.
……Right now, it was much better off like this.
“If she wished for me to be a ruthless villain. If Lapis’ request was for me to become a ruthless villain……Then she would have left me alone. When I tried to kill that old hag and when I was about to kill that maid. It would have been right to have left me to do what I wanted in those moments. That way her actions would have made sense, right?
“……That’s right.”
“Why did she request for me to show mercy at some times, and then request for me to be violent at others? What did she want from me? I started to become depressed whenever I thought about this……”
I covered my eyes with my hand.
“Barbatos. Believe me. I intended to consider whatever Lapis requested of me. If Lapis asked of me to become a merciful and generous lord, then I would have seriously complied. If she asked of me to become a cruel tyrant, then I would have gladly accepted that as well. I was prepared. I was prepared to walk down that path with her. It’s true.”
“……”
“However, I can’t be both. That’s impossible. Walking down 2 different paths at the same time is simply not possible. Then what other option remained? Hm? Move according to Lapis’ whim, was that the only option left?”
“……”
“That’s impossible as well. That’s the most absurd action I could possibly take. Even I have a last line. To spare people when Lapis tells me to, to kill people when Lapis tells me to…… I cannot become a puppet like that for her. Never.”
That meant death for me.
With no doubt, the relationship between Lala and myself was collapsing.
Even after returning to my castle, we did not share a single conversation. Our shared bedroom life naturally disappeared as well.
In preparation for the army of 2,000 that was going to invade, we did make plans and arrangements, but that was it.
Words exchanged were kept at a minimum.
Technical and business-like conversations.
Excluding those, no other words were shared between us.
Time went by helplessly.
Barbatos spoke.
“……Let’s rest a bit, Dantalian.”
The sneer and contempt that she showed initially was nowhere to be seen now.
There was a faint sorrow and clear hesitation left on her face.
The reason her sorrow was faint was because she was doing her best to not show sympathy for me, and the reason her hesitation was clear was because she was holding herself back from giving any rash advice. Just from that expression alone, I could tell that Barbatos was a good woman.
“Rest?”
“You idiot. It’s already night. You’ve been talking for several hours now. Your voice is cracked and your face looks as rotten as a corpse.”
I blankly took out a hand mirror and looked down at it.
As Barbatos had said, my face was drained like a zombie.
It seems I had excessively gotten immersed into my role.
“Right…… I guess we should rest a bit.”
“Don’t you have anything to drink?”
Barbatos shook the glass which was in her right hand. Her cup was empty. She grinned like an ill-natured child.