I don't need your money. And I do want to return it.
But I can't officially send it to an unknown person with no legal proof. We have been scammed enough this way. Legal Procedure is a legal procedure. You can call the bank and they will email it to you.
If you knew you are closing the account why didn't you tell me earlier so we could figure this all out?
No need to use swear language here. I haven't need disrespectful to you and expect same treatment back.