With much fanfare, I am pleased to unveil the Lost in Showbiz Christmas Gift Guide. This year it runs to a single amazing item: a new celebrity, from me to you. He is the incoming Thai king, and he was pictured in May arriving with his poodle-toting wife at an airport. His now-majesty was drenched in fake tattoos and wearing a vanishingly small white crop top. I was in heaven at the expression of the two officials standing to attention to him on the Tarmac, which came with a thought bubble reading “I’m saluting what now?”