Science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.
American couples will say “I do,” committing to a lifelong relationship that will be full of friendship, joy, and love that will carry them forward to their final days on this earth.
The majority of marriages fail, either ending in divorce and separation or devolving into bitterness and dysfunction.
Psychologist John Gottman was one of those researchers.
John Gottman began gathering his most critical findings in 1986, when he set up “The Love Lab” with his colleague Robert Levenson at the University of Washington. Gottman and Levenson brought newlyweds into the lab and watched them interact with each other.
From the data they gathered, Gottman separated the couples into two major groups: the masters and the disasters.
Research independent from theirs has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage.
There are two ways to think about kindness.
One way to practice kindness is by being generous about your partner’s intentions.
Another powerful kindness strategy revolves around shared joy.
In most marriages, levels of satisfaction drop dramatically within the first few years together. But among couples who not only endure, but live happily together for years and years, the spirit of kindness and generosity guides them forward.
In most marriages, levels of satisfaction drop dramatically within the first few years together. But among couples who not only endure, but live happily together for years and years, the spirit of kindness and generosity guides them forward.