If you haven't seen it, I'm truly sorry for what I'm about to inflict upon you. There's really no way to describe this commercial; words fail you, and if you can think coherently over the sound of the confused, pain-wracked screams ricocheting off the inside of your skull, the only thought you can form, at least initially, is some variation on "WHY." It's best if we just rip the bandaid off and unleash this on you now, so here you go: