Yuri didn’t answer and he later realized it was because she’d fallen asleep for a split second. “What was that?” she asked a second later.
“Are you cold?”
“I’m fine.”
He adjusted the blanket over her after realizing she’d dozed off again. Kai twirled her hair around his fingers before placing his hand on the back of her neck as if to hold her there for as long as possible. Would change be inevitable for them, two people who had unwillingly submitted to their fate?
And whether Yuri had turned out to love me or not, I never found out. She had never answered me when I asked whether she wanted to take the ring off. But she did slowly show effort in keeping our marriage intact, whether she had honestly been willing to or not. Yuri, though, never took the ring off her finger. It stayed on her finger without removal. Even till now I don’t know why she told me she had been afraid of herself. Maybe I just don’t understand her as much as I had become attached to her. Perhaps I liked her a lot more after our first night together or maybe I’d been somewhat attracted to her even before that. Maybe that was why I had tried to affirm her feelings for me, which I never got a hold of.
Even till now I’ve never received those words, “I love you,” from her. Yuri probably can’t say it unless she means it, but it doesn’t mean I can be disappointed with her. This wasn’t what we had wanted from the start, but on the bright side we’re a lot better off now after we started talking.
I’ll never forget the morning she came to me telling me she was having our baby. Still asleep I woke up confused before she repeated it twice, “I’m having a baby.” And that, was the start of our new world.
In the room what we now call ‘our room’ sits pictures of us and another one of our baby. Our little Kai, Kim JongWon. I regard him a miracle and a promise that bonded Yuri and I together. It is because of him that I know she’ll never leave me. Perhaps my dad had known what he was doing in the first place by pushing me into this marriage because he knew I would come to love her and learn what it meant to be committed. And on the other hand, maybe he didn’t know what he was doing.
Setting the pictures down the moment the door opened I look up from the bed when four year old JongWon runs into our room holding a talking stuffed animal.
“Daddy, look what mommy bought me! Say hi!” JongWon excitedly shouts and holds up his animal into my face. He has her eyes, her lips, her long lashes, her nose, but his features are somewhat like mine. To realize that he came from us is really special. We dote on him, spoil him unhealthily, but he is ours.
“Ah…so cute,” I pet his head and stand up.
“Sorry I couldn’t make it, what did the doctor say?”
Yuri is currently pregnant with our second child. Another boy on his way. I kind of wish we could have gotten a girl so she would have someone to dress up and keep her company. As much as I try to express my feelings, I can’t help but feel that Yuri is somewhat empty. Like how her smile holds me together, I know JongWon’s smile is the only thing that holds her together. Whether she loves me or not, I hope I can find out in the future because it’d certainly break my heart if a little part of her isn’t with me.
“Baby’s healthy.” Yuri grabs my arm with a warm smile.
“What about you?” I run my fingers through her sleek hair.
“I’m good, too. Did you eat yet?”
“I wanted to wait for you.”
The wife I didn’t want from the start is now suddenly what I never thought she would be: the center of my world.