Unfortunately, however, family violence is not at all uncommon, possibly because of the very fact that families spend so much time together and have so many emotional ties (and therefore potential emotional stressors). But for these same reasons, and because our family impacts our potential as human beings so fundamentally, family violence may be the most harmful form of violence humans can encounter.
When all forms of violence are considered, women and men are found to be equally likely to physically abuse children, and women as well as men have been known to sexually abuse them. It should be noted that although the vast majority of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by males, this does not mean that biological fathers are the most common perpetrators. Those few studies that differentiate between biological fathers, stepfathers and other family members have found that biological fathers—especially those who are engaged and active in caretaking—are less likely than other male relatives to engage in child sexual abuse.
While death from child abuse is horribly tragic, children who survive are not necessarily “lucky.” Many of these grow up with mental and emotional problems leading to high-risk and criminal behavior, and parents who have been abused as children are at high risk for abusing their own children and continuing the cycle.
The importance of attachment between family members has long been underscored by clinical research, and studies of abusive parents note deficits in this area. Typical characteristics of violent parents include anger control problems, low levels of empathy, and poor problem-solving skills. Barnett and her associates also observe that compared to nonabusive adults, “abusive individuals have been found to have unrealistic expectations and negative perceptions regarding their children.” In addition, they write, “such parents exhibit numerous deficits in child management skills. Compared with nonabusive parents, physically abusive parents interact with their children less; when they do interact with their children, they display higher rates of directive, critical, and controlling behavior and a higher frequency of verbal and physical aggression.”