Family Matters
By David Gardiner
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Dear Mama
I reckin I owe you an explanatin and this here is it. The first thing I want to say is that you wernt never a bad Mama and Papa werent never a bad Papa. You was the best Mom and Dad any girl ever had an you tawt me wrong from rite an I knew full well what I done was wrong an I done it anyway. Me myself, I done it, nothin to do with you. I knew what I was doin an I wen right ahead an done it.
Ive kept quiet ni on two years an not said nothing becase of i was afraid of what papa an you would say an what other folks would say. Along with evrey thing else I am a coward.
So heres the truth. Tell the truth an shame the devil you used to say when I was litlle an you was right.
I reckin you knowd all along that Billy Joe an me had somthin goin on. Evreybody else round here knowd so why wouldnt you know? You an Papa never thought much of Billly Joe. Papa said he never had a lick of sense and maybe that was true but he wasnt no retard. Billy Joe worked that farm his Pop give him up on Chocktaw Ridge with just his own hands from he was 18 yeares old and always grew enuf to get by even tho the land up there was nevre even near as good as what we got, an he could rede an rite an do his numbers as good as the next person only he was kind of soft an not much good at lokin out for himself. Werent no bad bone in Billy Joes body. He always treated me reel nice and respecful, even after hed slept with me few times. Sorry for talkin plain but I reckin this aint the time to mince words.
I know you remembir that time two sumers back when Billy Joe jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge. Folks thought hed gon a bit crazy. Well mabe he had but there was reasons why he'd gon crazy. Most times things happen for a reson. I don't ned to remind you ether that ever since that day things has gone reel bad for this famly. Pappa got that viris and passed away an brotheer Ned married Becky Thompson and bought that no-good hardwere store in Tupelo an ther marriage is dam near on the rocks already. An the crops near failed two seasons in a row. An I know you been pinin since papa pased away an lettin things get on top of you. Aint nothin whatever went right for this famly ever since that day. Ive had no heart in anything myself ether. I aint hardly slept since then with nitemares an aint hardly et ether an just been feelin terble all the time. All I want to do is wander round on Choctaw Ridge, maybe say a few prayers, pik a few flowers. A right pair the two of us was – its a wonder anythin atall got done on the farm, last cuple years.
Well now its time for me to do a bit of unburdenin an im reel sorry that i have to upset you like this but i reckin things cant get mush worse anyhow an its likly better this hole thing is out in the open, at least no secrets between you an me. Old Doc Ransom used to say there was a deal of folks secrets hed be caryin with him to the grave. Carryin secrets ant easy an Im not strong enouf to do it no more.