It was all his fault.
An awkward silence filled the air as the two continued to pick at their food, neither knowing what to say anymore. Youngjae just wanted to run and hide away in his apartment, to never have to speak to anyone ever again. “How. . . how is it at work?” Himchan looked up from his food, staring at Youngjae thoughtfully. “Are they still talking about it?”
Himchan's lips pressed into a thin line and Youngjae knew he was about to lie – he always did that when he lied. “No.” Another silence passed as the younger stared at him with an unbelieving look. He let out a long sigh, eyes closing for a moment. “Youngjae, what do you want me to say? You know the answer to your question. Please don't make me say it.”
Youngjae quietly apologized, his hands fidgeting in his lap. “I don't know.” He said after a moment. “I don't really know anything anymore. I just feel so lost.”
“You're scaring me.” Himchan's voice for the first time sounded so weak, his strong guard finally falling down. “I'm so ing scared I'm going to lose you before I can get you help-” Youngjae bit down onto his lower lip, watching as his friend quickly wiped at his eyes to stop the tears that were forming from falling. He hated himself so much for making Himchan suffer like this. I went down and took him with me.