In addition to fear, the child does not feel loved and
accepted by their parents. Children are punished for
even minor infractions. Often, these punishments do
not fit the crime and are overly punitive. Even worse,
the punishments often result in relationship
consequences which include a withholding of love and
affection from the parents to the child. As a result, the
child begins to learn that they are loved and accepted
for what they do, rather than for who they are. John, a
high-school basketball player I met, had this type of
relationship with his father. His father would come to
all of his games to see him play. While a parent’s
presence at a child’s games should be a source of
encouragement, for John it was not. If John had a good