I am ok to talk i did not ask about me but i try to understand what you think love is. Because i can feel your hope and fear about love is very high I think you believe love will make you feel better about your life and suffer less. but that is not possible and i think until you realize that you will continue to have hope for love and fear about not having love or fear of disappointment. it's normal you want to go in the way of the buddha, you can read many books about dhamma but the Buddha never say love is the way to end suffer. So be careful not to addict to your hope and fear about love it will only be disappointing in the end. Live in the present see yourself see why you have so much hope why you have fear then you will fine more satisfacton in your life with or without Love