Our expectation that unmarried parents’ fear of divorce will diminish their willingness to marry their child’s other parent
is informed by qualitative evidence. In two studies of unmarried mothers and fathers (Waller, 2001, 2002), parents often explained
their decision to delay marriage in regard to the high risk of divorce and the potential consequences of divorce to
themselves and their children. In these interviews, both mothers and fathers suggested that their high exposure to divorce
had eroded their own confidence in having a successful marriage, and they referred to personal anecdotes, as well as publicly
available information, to highlight particular costs of divorce they hoped to avoid.
Although parents regarded a stable marriage as an ideal environment in which to raise children, they often thought
that their children would be worse off if they married their partner and subsequently divorced than if they remained
unmarried. Of particular concern was the lasting emotional and psychological harm children could suffer as a result of
divorce, which some men and women Waller interviewed had experienced first-hand when their own parents’ marriages
ended. Parents also felt divorce could have serious consequences for them, given the symbolic significance they attached
to marriage. Because they felt marriage should be permanent and ‘‘last forever”, divorce was regarded as a personal failure
and a violation of a serious religious commitment.2 Finally, parents seemed to want to avoid the legal conflicts and entanglements
associated with divorce, which they also viewed as both personally difficult and detrimental to children. They typically
preferred to make informal rather than legal parenting and child support agreements when their relationships ended
and had a higher likelihood of doing so if they did not legally marry. Because these mothers and fathers viewed divorce as
emotionally, morally, and economically costly, they were hesitant to marry, particularly if they saw the ‘‘warning signs” of
divorce in their own relationships.