In discussing the theme for this article with one another, we all had the same first reaction: how
different it was to do family therapy after we had our own children. Like most young therapists,
we began our careers before we were parents. Consequently, at that time our understanding
of couple and family dynamics derived primarily from our childhood experiences, with all the
attendant feelings and perceptions of our parents as powerful authority figures. After having
children, however, we became exquisitely aware of the difficulties parents face and, indeed, how
helpless people can feel when their children are struggling in one way or another. Likewise, in
our work as family therapists, we became acutely aware of the power of children and adolescents
to pull at their parents’ heartstrings, particularly when the children are bullied or otherwise
mistreated by others.