However, it’s important to note that such a marriage doesn’t come about by accident. It takes years of dedicated
work to bring this kind of relationship into existence. The good news is that it’s certainly doable; in fact, millions of couples have just this kind of relationship. It does, though, take a major commitment on both parts to continually work on the marriage.
While I say that it takes a commitment from both people, please recognize that at any point in time the task of keeping the relationship together may fall more to one person than the other. At the time, it may seem unfair. But that’s the way relationships are.
Sometimes one of the partners goes through a period of intense personal challenge, severely hampering his ability to contribute to the marriage. During these times, if the marriage is to survive, it’s up to the other partner to keep the relationship together.
These are dangerous times in a relationship, dangerous in the sense that one person can come to feel so overburdened that she decides to end the relationship. Even the person facing personal challenges may decide he would be better off if the marriage ended. Some even come to believe the partner is the cause of the problems.
If marriages are to survive long enough to cultivate the wonderful characteristics listed earlier in this chapter, then both partners must agree to stick with the marriage until challenges can be met and overcome. Also in these times of great strife, the one factor that may save a marriage from dissolution is active participation in a faith community. Doing so cannot only provide avenues of encouragement for the couple to stay together but can provide the sustaining power of prayers from the faith community.
I think it prudent here to add a note of warning. In times of strife, couples often quit going to church, cut themselves off from their faith community, and cease all activities that are necessary to sustain their faith in God. Often this happens out of shame and sometimes out of depression. Whatever the reason for doing so, nothing could be worse. Having faith and a supporting faith community can make the difference between being able to keep a marriage together during times of trouble and ending up in divorce court. While it may take energy and courage that seemingly is unavailable in times where stress has used up all available resources, digging down deep to sustain your faith will, in the end, pay off hundredfold.
And the payoff comes in the long run, when surviving the rough times eventually