“Why are you filming me? Stop, it’s embarrassing,” The blonde laughed and tried to swat the camera.
“What? I want to film my beautiful girlfriend,” The camera shook and stepped back.
“It’s embarrassing, Sseul, don’t,” The blue eyed beauty’s cheeks were dusted pale pink. She looked beautiful in the Las Vegas sunset, her face glowing.
“Just act naturally!” Seulgi zoomed in on Irene’s face. The older girl just shook her head and began to run away from the camera, down the long, abandoned road. “Hey, don’t run!”
“Catch me if you can!” She turned her head back to flash a bright smile.
“Yah! Bae Joohyun!”
The video cut off, and Seulgi’s TV began to beep. She stared at the blue screen for a few seconds, before hitting the replay button on the remote.
Alone in her cold apartment, with all the lights turned off, the TV was her sole companion for the night. Especially tonight.
Today would have been Irene’s 26th birthday.
The first year she spent this day alone- Irene’s 23rd birthday- she spent the day locked up in her apartment crying, and the night drinking away her sorrows at the local bar. Her best friend Wendy would find her drunk off her , wailing like a maniac, and drive her home. It would repeat every year, until Seulgi found a box of memory cards one night.
The chips were filled with random videos; clips of Irene eating, singing, dancing, laughing, doing the dishes…. But to Seulgi, they were everything.
It was the only thing she had left to hold on to. This was her ritual; watching the memories with her lover over and over again. She would do this every morning and every night, just replaying the videos. It was even worse on Joohyun's birthday; she would lock herself in and have her eyes glued to the monitor in front of her.
A knock at the door brought the desolate girl out of her trance. She looked towards her front door, but she made no move to open it.
“Yah, Kang Seulgi! I know you’re in there!” A muffled voice called from outside. Wendy. Seulgi just ignored her and got up to pop in a different video.
“Is there any time when you don’t have that camera?” Irene looked up from her pasta and raised a brow. They were having lunch at their favorite bistro. Seulgi just chuckled.
“It’s important; how else am I going to see you when you’re not here?”
“You make it sound like we’re never going to see each other again,” Irene frowned.
“Ay, don’t look at me like that,” The camera shook a little. “Besides, don’t you think it’ll be cute to watch when we’re both old and grey?”
“Whatever, just eat your pasta,” The blonde just giggled and twirled the noodles around her fork.
“Okay, okay.”
“Yah, Kang Seulgi!” A hand jerked her shoulder backwards. Seulgi looked up to see Wendy’s angry eyes looking down at her.
“What.”
“What? I’ve been standing outside your apartment for 10 minutes; the least you could have done was open the door….” Her friend let out an angry puff of air.
“Sorry,” Seulgi just shrugged before turning back to the TV. Wendy let out a sigh before turning off the video. That caused the blonde to snap. “What are you doing?!”
“You have to stop, Sseul,” Wendy blocked her from getting any closer to the screen. “It’s been 3 years, you have to move on.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” She glared at her short friend. “Get. Out.”
“Seulgi-”
“No, get out, now,” She shoved her away. “You don’t know anything.”
“Seulgi-yah….” The bluenette stepped aside and gazed at the other girl with sad eyes. Seulgi turned the television back on as if she was a programed machine. She sat down in front of her couch and began to watch another video play.
“Smile at the camera, Baechu!” This time Seulgi’s face was also in the video. It was a warm spring day, and the two of them were enjoying the Cherry Blossom Festival at Yeoido Park.
“Stop filming your face and take pictures of the cherry blossoms!” Irene chastised her girlfriend.
“Why,” Seulgi pouted and turned her face away from the camera to look at her lover. “I’m prettier than the cherry blossoms~”
“You wish,” The blue eyed girl scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s go!”
“Psh, so mean,” She turned back and pouted. “My girlfriend is so mean to me.”
“This baby,” Irene shook her head and walked up to Seulgi. She kissed the corner of her mouth and pinched her cheek. “Stop pouting and let’s go already, hm?”
Seulgi grinned stupidly at the camera, then proceeded to grab her girlfriend’s hand.
“Let’s go!”
The screen turned blue again. Both girls didn’t say anything. A single tear slid down Seulgi’s cheek. She began to feel a tight pain in her chest.
“Seungwan-ah,” She muttered out with a strained voice. The blonde clutched her chest; she felt like she was drowning. She couldn’t breath. “It’s been…. It’s been so long…. But why…. why?” Tears now freely trickled down her face.
“Seulgi-yah….” Wendy sat down on the floor next to her buddy. “You have to let her go, Joohyun-unnie wouldn’t want you to be like this….”
“But I can’t….” She cried, gasping through her tears. “I miss her…. I miss her so much….”
“You have to continue on with your life, that’s what Joohyun-unnie would want,” Wendy wrapped her arms around the grieving girl. “Joohyun-unnie always said that the best thing she liked about you was your smile. So why don’t you smile for her? Smile, so that she knows you’re doing okay down here. So that she can rest in peace…. You know she’s worrying her off up there because you’re so sad all the time.”
“I can’t, she was my smile,” Seulgi’s lower lip trembled. “She was my smile, and I don’t want to forget her….”
“You don’t have to, Seulgi-yah, I’m not telling you to forget her,” Wendy whispered out. She tried to soothe the girl by rubbing slow circles into her back, trying to give her what little comfort she could. “I’m telling you to pick yourself back up and live a happy life for the both of you. Be happy, for Joohyun-unnie’s sake as well.”
“Wan-ah….” She sniffled.
“Stop crying,” Wendy pulled away from the embrace and smiled at her friend. She wiped away the tears and patted her cheeks. “You’ve been hurting for 3 years now; I think it’s time for you to be happy again. Live for Irene, don’t cry for her.”
“O-Okay,” Seulgi nodded, abiet with a bit of hesitance. She glanced at her television screen. “Can I…. Can I still watch….?”
“Cherish your memories, Seulgi-yah,” Her friend gave her a light pat on the shoulder. “Never forget them, but don’t live in them. Okay?”
“Okay….”
Seulgi’s heart felt lighter than it had in years. Wendy’s talk had begun to shine a light in her dark heart. She hit the play button and as another video began to play, she leaned her head on her best friend’s shoulder.
As she watched Irene smile through the screen, she felt something spark inside of her.
Something…. she hadn’t felt in a long time.
-----
Seulgi looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a yellow sweater with stripes (a present from Irene) and Irene’s favorite jeans (she still hadn’t thrown out her girlfriend’s clothes).
She looked…. good, for the first time in years. She had even gotten her hair trimmed and nails done. She looked healthy.
Nodding at her appearance, she set her camera on her dresser and pressed play. She took a few steps back and sat down on her bed.
She began to speak with a smile.
Hey, Baechu…
It’s me, Seulgi….
It’s been awhile since we last saw each other, hasn’t it?
I’m sorry that I’ve been such a mess.
You were the light of my life.
You still are.
It’s hard, living without you.
Sometimes I get lost, and I don’t really know what I’m doing.
But I know you’re waiting for me, at the very end.
I’m running towards you, Joohyun-ah.
Wait for me, okay?
Don’t forget me.