Since coming to this site yesterday, I've read quite a few stories and poems. There seems to be an under-lying theme to them all. This is, they need tightening up to become better. Yours is no different, as there's a lot of tightening up to be done here. Take your MC. You introduced her as, Marcia "Cricket," Shaw. Ok, I got that. But you could have worded it better. More like. Marcie Shaw, or Cricket, to anyone and everyone she came in contact with. Then carry on repeating the name cricket, we'll get it! I noticed right down in the middle of the piece that's what you did anyway. Your content is bang on the money. You just need to look at your words, how you're saying em and make sure any mistakes are got out BEFORE you post them. I did enjoy your story. I look forward to seeing the improved version of this. Bri.