1 Superordinate theme: SFBT brought to mind the idea ‘making the best of it’
A stance of ‘making the best of it’ emerged in all seven accounts. It is
defined below.
‘There’s no point in dwelling on it [disability], we are where we are, it’s
getting on with it, trying to make the best of it, he’s come so far and done
so well and it’s keeping it going.’
(Tina)
Sub-theme 1.1 Acceptance of issues outside their control. The mothers perceived
that there was no choice about the actual disability or the role of
carer. For two mothers this was due to the tie of kinship. Sub-theme 1.2 A belief that one can choose how to appraise a situation. However,
the mothers strongly believed that they could choose how to
appraise their situation. This included an idea that perceptions can
change and are within the mothers’ control.
‘You are just dealt a hand of cards and you can either go round thinking
‘‘oh my god life’s awful’’ or you can make the best of it. So I always try
and make the best of it.’
(Alison)
Sub-theme 1.3 Focusing on issues in the present and immediate future. The
mothers did not want to ‘dwell’ on the disability and the past that
could not be changed but looked to the future and the choices it held.
SFBT, because it was congruent with this position, was contrasted
favourably with other approaches (it was not clear if these were
psychological or other, e.g. physiotherapy).
‘With any professional you meet you have to go back and start from
square one, explaining you know what’s your diagnosis and you know
what happened . . . it can be a real problem going over all that which I
don’t always find helpful. I just think this is where we are, where do we
want to get to and how do we get there or something like that.’
(Jane)
This view is consistent with the most frequently stated helpful events,
the scaling exercise and detailing a hypothetical preferred future. Two
of the mothers described how they adopted and visualized the scale
between sessions. The mothers felt that the scaling task acknowledged
difficulties and a sense of hope by drawing attention to exceptions and
the future.
‘It [scaling] was immediately useful in making me realize that although I
was feeling at 1, there had been times when I had been as high as 4 or 5
. . . it made me remember that times would be better again.’
(Emma)
Sub-theme 1.4 Feelings of self-efficacy and worth by reflecting on achievement.s.
Six of the mothers perceived their achievements and skills positively
with feelings of self-efficacy and worth.
‘He’s made me a better person, he’s made me realize I can do things that
I thought I can’t. He’s where he is now, because when he was a baby, mum and me did all that physio, taking him to the hospital and all the
doctors and portage. No not grief, he’s helped me to be a stronger, better
person. To fight.’
(Tina)
However, one mother did not share the enthusiasm for focusing on
her skills; doing so seemed incongruent with her self-image.
‘The most unhelpful bit for me was telling me that I’d got skills that I am
using because I don’t feel I’ve got any skills. I’m just trying to do what a
mother does.’
(Jenny)
2 Superordinate theme: examining wishful thinking
The participants grappled with two conflicting ideas: (1) that the
disability was permanent (sub-theme 1.1) although the mother could
influence changes in behaviour and their perception of it as described
above and (2) wishful thinking, i.e. hoping that an external agent
would create change.
Sub-theme 2.1 The miracle question perceived as irrelevant or confusing. All the
mothers found the miracle question irrelevant or baffling. Five stated
that it was the least helpful event. The problem centred on the
word miracle. One, an active Christian, explained that miracles had
different connotations for her. Another did not hear the question
fully. She made the following comment on hearing the session audiotape.
‘The question you put it to me was better than I thought you put it to me.
I just remember you saying if she woke up and everything was alright . . .
I couldn’t see the point of that, why ask that? Because it’s never going to
happen is it? It doesn’t upset me because I know she’ll never, but I just
couldn’t see the point of it.’
(Cathy)
A distinction was drawn between the perceived irrelevance of
the miracle question and the value of imagining a hypothetical
future.
‘The bit [most helpful event] where you asked me what it’d be like in the
morning and I told you what I’d like it to be like . . . imagining it in little
bits, making it real and one step at a time.’
(Tina)