8 Steps to Writing an English Paper in One Night
You may think it's odd I'm blogging about writing English papers as I am no longer in school, and what I want to write are novels, not more papers.
The thing is, I know very little about writing novels. Sure, I've read hundreds of novels and tons of blog posts, articles, and books about how to write them. But I’ve never written one.
What I have written a lot of are English papers. (I get points for sticking to "write what you know," don't I?) I hope that, by analyzing how I write academically, I can get an idea of the best writing process for me as I dive into my fiction project. I probably have a ton of bad habits I need to fix, and being aware of what they are would be the first step.
This is how I write English papers:
(Disclaimer: your mileage may vary; results are not guaranteed and you're responsible for the outcome should you try this at home.)
1. Pick a topic
As soon as I get the list of prompts, I cross out any prompt based on books I didn't buy for the class. (The best way to save money on textbooks is not to buy them, right? I think there was a semester or two when I didn't buy any textbooks. Somehow, I survived.) Then I eliminate prompts that look like too much work or too boring or whatever. Eventually I settle on a topic. Then I figure I've done enough work for the time being and forget about the paper until a couple days before it's due.
2. Read the source material and find all relevant passages
This is when being a fast reader comes in handy. I can (and do) read several full-length novels in one day, so I know I'll have enough time to read whichever book I've chosen to write about. If I've already read the book, it does make it easier to note all the sections related to the prompt, but I can do it on my first read through as well. I like to highlight and dog-ear every instance to make them easy to find. I tend to do this a day or two before the paper is due.
3. Collect potential quotes
The day before the paper is due, I'll complain to my friends that I have a paper due the next day and haven't even started (I can't believe they put up with me either; my friends are so nice!). In the afternoon I review my source material, and after dinner I start compiling the most useful passages in a Word document. This becomes my "brainstorm" file and it's where I outline the paper. Since it's still early in the evening, I feel like I have lots of time left. So I take plenty of breaks to play random flash games. It wouldn't do to overwork myself now, would it?
4. Make observations and organize the quotes accordingly
The previous step shouldn't take all that long, but time flies when you procrastinate. Eventually, I notice how late it's getting and make myself analyze the passages and find patterns and connections. I start with concrete details and build my paragraph ideas from there as I link together passages that support the same point. As before, this is accompanied by surfing the internet and whining to friends.
5. Come up with a thesis
By the time I finish it's probably around 11pm. Then comes the toughest part of the entire paper-writing process for me. I look at my potential topic sentences and try to think of an argument that ties them all together. This is hard. It has to say something interesting and compelling about the text or author that can be logically supported by the observations I've already made.
It's so incredibly difficult that I agonize over my lack of ideas, certain I will never be able to start writing my paper. I decide I will most likely fail the class. So I go look at something funny on the internet to make me feel better.
After a good laugh, I stare at my screen. A lot. And change my status to "I NEED A THESIS!" so all my friends know how tortured I am. And whine some more to make sure they didn't miss my subtle hint. And then let my conscious mind take a break with Bejeweled so my subconscious can work on the paper. And then blank out some more at my brainstorm file.
Around 1am (or midnight, if I'm lucky) I finally type out my beautiful, brilliant thesis and wonder why I didn't think of it sooner. To celebrate the amazing progress I've made, I let myself procrastinate some more by watching YouTube videos.