1. Help children know in advance what will be expected of them in certain situations when they are with others. If you have overly loving aunts and uncles in the house for Thanksgiving dinner, pre-pare not only turkey but also your child to know how he or she should behave, at this time.
2. Help your child through the negotiating and compromising process by asking questions rather than leading him or her to your conclusions. "What might happen if you do this?" "Can you think of another way that you could achieve what you want and still keep your sister happy?"
3. Talk about what types of situations and events affect people differently and how. Christmas shop-ping might be stressful, hot days might bring out crabbiness in some, or a holiday coming up might evoke feelings of excitement. How is it helpful to know how these events or situations might affect an individual's being with other people?
4. Be understanding when your child has a frustrating day at school or work. Sometimes the best reaction is simply to listen. Your child may not really want you to intervene; he or she may just want to unload. Be sensitive to when you need to act and react or when you just need to listen.
5. Set aside a time for the entire family to tackle a big, needed job around the house, such as painting a bedroom, cleaning out a garage or basement, raking leaves, preparing for company, and so on. You may find that pitching in together and working as a family can be not only productive but also a lot of fun.
6. Demonstrate ways to help others feel comfortable when you are out with your child in the com-munity. Show compassion to an overworked store clerk. Initiate small talk with a waitress. Return merchandise without being hateful. Your child will see how you handle these seemingly insignificant situations with kindness.
7. Be aware of any episodes of bullying in your child's school. Is this something that affects your child? Many schools now have an anti-bullying program and policy in place. Your child may not want to talk about this due to embarrassment or fear. Talk to your school's teachers and principal if you have any concerns about this.
8. Encourage your child to exceed all expectations for a task. Choose something that your son or daughter is interested in, and target that task very intentionally. The purpose is not just to be complimented or to have someone notice (though we hope that both will happen), but to experience what it feels like to superachieve. For example, if the coach suggests a thirty-minute practice, encourage your child to give an extra fifteen minutes. If the teacher wants a five-page book report, suggest that your child go for some extra pages and perhaps a related project.
9. When you are in a place with strangers (perhaps a waiting room, bus, or museum), it to, helpful to have your child tell you the rules for how to behave in a public place. Asking before you take a magazine, hanging up your coat on a hook, leaving people alone if they don't want to be disturbed, or making friendly conversation if they do are all important social skills. Think al lead to what different situations may require. Paying your respects at a funeral home different expectations than entering a bank and paying a bill.
10. Unfortunately, there are rude people in our daily lives. A harsh remark, a misunderstanding, or forgetting to put on a turn signal can bring out the worst in people. Teach your child to “think big” by putting the event in perspective. Will it matter in twenty-four hours? in a yea!? What is the of getting upset? Can you retaliate with creative kindness? How? Raise the atmosphere to a higher level, one person at a time.