Listen Duck . . ."
He holds up a hand. "But I like Melody and I know she loves you. Can't say much for her taste . . ."
"Hey!"
"But I like her, anyway. She'd be unhappy if she had to look for a new hubby." He turns to his laptop and arpeggios its keyboard. "So, we gotta get you a Unicorn and . . ." He hits "Enter" "We got one." He turns the laptop to me and I view a Unicorn--sure enough--in a garden cropping roses. "Looks like Jimmy the T wasn't just making things up. Must've seen this Unicorn before he wrote his story."
"But Thurber wrote that tale a long time ago," I protest. "Can't be the same Unicorn."
Duck looks exasperated. "Unicorns are immortal, McQue. They don't age or die . . . unless of course, you take their horn. This one," he taps a few more keys, "'sbeen around for a couple hunnert years, looks like. Too bad it won't be around much longer. Let's see," he calls up Google maps, "Columbus, Ohio. Figures. Thurber was a reporter for the Dispatch. Well," he opens a drawer and pulls out a hacksaw. "Let's go. If we leave now we should get back just in time for . . ."
"Wait . . . wait" I stop him. "We can't cut off the thing's horn. It'll kill him and Melody'll never forgive me."
"And if you don't," Duck says, "You lose your chance to marry Melody." He sighs. "It's a poser, for sure, McQue. Whaddya wanna do?"
I think about my meeting with Drummond, about the way he sneered when he gave me the rules of the ritual, about what he said. About everything he said. A tickle. Stronger.
"Time's wastin', McQue. Are we goin or not?"
"Oh yeah," I say. "I haven't waited this long for Melody to quit now." I open Duck's door. "Let's go get us a horn."
***
It's October 30th and I'm back in Drummond's waiting room. His receptionist is gone for the day. I got there just after business hours but I figured the old workaholic would still be in. The ritual gave me until midnight to complete my task, after all, and he'd want to be able to tell Melody he'd kept to his end of the deal. Drummond opens his office door to my knock. He looks surprised to see me.
"McQue!" he says, "You're here. You got the horn?"
"Sure do," I say.
"Well, that's surprising, but not an issue. Melody will despise you for taking it. She'll never marry you, now. Where is it?"